Refs to Just Give James Harden 24 Free-Throw Points at Start of Game for Convenience

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Brett Davis-USA TODAY Sports

Realizing how much of the game was spent watching James Harden shoot free throws during a 135-133 double-overtime loss to the San Antonio Spurs, the NBA announced this morning that from here on out, the referees will just give the 2017-2018 MVP 24 points for free throws at the start of the game to avoid the delays from all his fouls.

Continue reading “Refs to Just Give James Harden 24 Free-Throw Points at Start of Game for Convenience”

Bronny James Fans Excited to See Son Put Up Vintage LeBron 2018-Lakers Numbers

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Nicholas Koza

Tuning in across the nation, fans of future NBA star LeBron James Jr. waited eagerly to see how the basketball legend’s son would fare under the bright lights of an NBA stadium in Dallas. Junior did not disappoint, putting up two points in a showing reminiscent of the second half of his father’s 2018-2019 season with the Los Angeles Lakers, when he was injured and couldn’t play.

Continue reading “Bronny James Fans Excited to See Son Put Up Vintage LeBron 2018-Lakers Numbers”

Experts Quickly Retract Michael Vick Comparisons After Lamar Jackson Adopts Two Pit Bulls

by Alex Poletti

Realizing that their prediction may have been too accurate, many analysts are retracting their Michael Vick comparisons vis-à-vis Baltimore Ravens quarterback Lamar Jackson after the MVP contender adopted two pit bulls and bought a large property in Surry County, Virginia.

Continue reading “Experts Quickly Retract Michael Vick Comparisons After Lamar Jackson Adopts Two Pit Bulls”

Delvin Hodges Draws Short Straw, Will Start on Sunday

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Bobby Ellis/Getty Images

It’s been an unfortunate week for Pittsburgh Steelers rookie Delvin Hodges, who drew the short straw and now has to start Sunday’s game against the Cleveland Browns. Sources tell The Second String that back-ups Mason Rudolph and Paxton Lynch shared a moment of pure elation following the draw.

Continue reading “Delvin Hodges Draws Short Straw, Will Start on Sunday”

Disappearance of Patriots Kickers Coincides with the Opening of Glue Factory Next Door

by Alex Poletti
Photo by AP Photo/Bill Kostroun

Some discerning New England Patriots fans have become wary following the team signing their fourth kicker of the season coincidentally coinciding with the opening of a new glue factory right next door.

Continue reading “Disappearance of Patriots Kickers Coincides with the Opening of Glue Factory Next Door”

In Honor of First Thanksgiving, Bears Massacre Every Member of Lions Team

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Dave Reginek/Getty Images

To pay homage to the first Thanksgiving, the Chicago Bears decided to recreate the famed historical event by ruthlessly murdering every member of the Detroit Lions squad.

Continue reading “In Honor of First Thanksgiving, Bears Massacre Every Member of Lions Team”

Duke Upset by Stephen F. Austin, Showing They Can Still Disappoint Without Reddish, Barrett and Zion

by Alex Poletti
Photo by USA Today Sports

If on any other day, someone told you that a group of lumberjacks surprised everyone on Duke’s court, you’d probably wonder how the hell that person got into your apartment and call security. Today, however, that group of Lumberjacks is Stephen F. Austin University, who upset the Blue Devils in overtime to hand Duke its first non-conference loss at home since 2000. This was an incredible showing for the Blue Devils, who proved they could still play down to a lower caliber of competition without Cam Reddish, R.J. Barrett and Zion Williamson.

Continue reading “Duke Upset by Stephen F. Austin, Showing They Can Still Disappoint Without Reddish, Barrett and Zion”