Following Unnecessary Display of Aggression, Myles Garrett Hired by Cleveland Police Department

by Alex Poletti
Photo by AP Photo/David Richard

With just seconds left in the fourth quarter of a convincing win against the Steelers, Myles Garrett decided to take out some aggression on Pittsburgh quarterback Mason Rudolph, hitting him with his own helmet before being tackled to the ground by two offensive linemen. Facing suspension, Garrett found a silver lining after being offered a job as an officer for the Cleveland Police Department.

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Phillies Finally Get Their Revenge for 2010 NLCS as Giants Sign Gabe Kapler as Manager

by Alex Poletti
Photo by ERIC RISBERG / AP PHOTO

Vengeance, nine years in the making, finally belongs to the Philadelphia Phillies. Nearly a decade after losing to the San Francisco Giants in the 2010 NLCS, ending their bid for a third straight World Series appearance, the Fightin’ Phils got their payback after the Giants signed their former manager, Gabe Kapler to a three-year contract.

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Russians Realize They Hacked Wrong Election as Tulsi Gabbard Wins NL Manager of the Year

by Alex Poletti
Photo by AP Photo/Mary Altaffer

In a comedy of errors on Tuesday, operatives for the Russian government quickly realized they had made a severe miscalculation, accidentally steering their efforts to make Hawaii congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard the recipient of the National League Manager of the Year award instead of the presidential candidate for the Democratic Party.

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Chase McLaughlin Tries Hitting Himself After Losing Game for 49ers, Misses Wide

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Getty Image/Thearon W. Henderson

In the place of veteran Robbie Gould, Chase McLaughlin held his own as the kicker for the 49ers against a scrappy Seahawks team until overtime, when he shanked a kick and opened the door for Seattle to take the win and end San Francisco’s bid at a perfect season. Sources tell The Second String that McLaughlin took out his anger by trying to hit himself in the face after the game, but he missed wide.

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Carson Wentz and Prince Harry Reveal They’ve Been Parent Trapping the Eagles for the Past Year

by Alex Poletti

Facing immense criticism amidst a 5-4 season, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz announced that he and Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, have been acting as each other for over a year in an attempt to bring the Eagles and the United Kingdom back together.

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Golden State Warriors Unaware They Can’t Tank for Tua Tagovailoa

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Noah Graham

Over the course of human history, an axiom holds true: all dynasties fall. For the 2019 Golden State Warriors, this hits especially hard. Despite losing Steph Curry for the season, leaving only Draymond Green to lead a squad of G League-level players, Golden State remains surprisingly optimistic. An insider reports to The Second String that optimism remains high because the Warriors don’t know they can’t tank for a chance to draft Tua Tagovailoa.

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