Despite Best Efforts, Chris Davis Still an MLB Player

by Alex Poletti

In spite of an abysmal 2018 and an 0-17 start to the 2019 season, Chris Davis continues to be employed by a Major League Baseball team.

“I don’t know what else I can do to get sent down around here,” Chris Davis says. “I know I’ve walked four times. Is that too good?”

In an attempt to get removed from the 40-man roster, Chris Davis has struck out seven times in his first four games and has yet to record a hit. This comes on the heels of a historically bad 2018, in which the veteran first baseman had a -2.8 WAR.

Although his play has consistently been the worst in baseball for over a year, Davis signed a 7-year contract in 2016 worth $161 million. Regardless of how poorly he swings the bat, the Orioles are forced to pay the 2013 Silver Slugger $23 million a year until 2023. Regardless, Davis remains undeterred in his quest to get released.

“I know I’m their highest-paid player and all, but I can still dream,” says Davis, who already has 11 strikeouts to his name this season.

Sources in the Baltimore clubhouse tell The Second String that Davis has been in contact with Bobby Bonilla on how best to approach this situation. Bonilla was famously released by the Mets in 2000 and has been living off deferred payments ever since.

“I want to help Chris out, of course,” Bonilla says. “We have a lot in common. We’re huge disappointments to our respective franchises, and we’re both getting paid enormous sums of money for no good reason.”

Davis envies the work-free lifestyle of Bonilla and has been trying to replicate it since late 2017. Figuring out that his on-field performance isn’t enough to get him canned, he’s considered resorting to off-field antics.

“I’ve thought about going the Papelbon route, picking fights with teammates,” Davis explains, “talking back to coaches, cutting up my jersey like Chris [Sale] did back in Chicago, but that’s just not me. I like to let my bat speak for itself.”

Many have wondered why the 2015 home run leader’s club has continued to utilize him at first base. The answer is simpler than fan’s may think: he plays in Baltimore.

“Even batting .000, he’s the best option we’ve got,” Orioles manager Brandon Hyde says. “Not to mention, he’s a face of our franchise. If we’re going to lose north of 110 games a season, it’s only fitting that Chris is the guy people associate with that.”

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