by Alex Poletti
Still without a team after a cold free agency, former Red Sox closer Craig Kimbrel has decided to follow the footsteps of New York Jets running back Le’veon Bell and release a rap single.
The 2018-2019 offseason proved difficult for Kimbrel, who was viewed as the top reliever on the market. In a year that saw Manny Machado and Bryce Harper both break $300 million, Kimbrel was looking to break Aroldis Chapman’s 5-year, $86 million record deal for relievers. However, teams weren’t willing to shell out the money, even for a top arm like Kimbrel.
With no team as the season began and a little too much money to collect unemployment checks, Kimbrel was lost.
“I really didn’t know what to do,” Kimbrel says. “I thought I’d be on a team by now, but I wanted to hold out for the money. That’s when I gave Le’veon a call.”
Le’veon Bell made waves during the football season for sitting out the season in protest of the measly $14.5 million he was supposed. Instead of playing football for the Steelers in 2018, the halfback decided to party it up in Miami and drop a rap album, entitled “Life’s a Gamble.”
“I heard his album, and it was a catharsis for me,” Kimbrel says. “I finally knew how to deal with this whole debacle.”
Bell’s rap songs have garnered mainly negative reviews, most likely because his music is absolute garbage. Most songs feature some reference to his spectacular football prowess and disdain for the Steelers.
Using the same formula, Kimbrel’s new single, “Brass Knuckle(curve)” is an immediate failure self-produced by the 30-year-old white Alabaman.
Featuring a homemade garageband beat and such astonishing rhymes as “yeah I close, I put on some clothes,” the “song” shows that the 33rd round draft pick doesn’t need a team to be successful.
“I don’t care what the reviews say,” Kimbrel says, sporting a Bell jersey and sunglasses. “My music is for me. I’m trying to see what I can do, pushing my limits.”
Despite his aloof appearance, The Second String has reason to believe that Kimbrel is not content with his current rap career.
At the end of his song, the 300-save-club member breaks down in tears and starts yelling “Boston, take me back!” However, he collects himself for the third repeat of the chorus: “I throw my knuckle curve, then I swerve.”