by Luke DePalatis
Just five games into his tenure with the New York Yankees, team doctors announced that former All-Star shortstop Troy Tulowitzki will be sidelined for the remainder of the regular season after tearing his ulnar cruciate ligament (UCL) while skipping rocks in the Hudson river.
“I don’t know what happened” the golden glove winner says. “One moment I was throwing a perfect skip, and the next I felt my arm give out.”
Fortunately, ambulances were quick on the scene, and they rushed the professional athlete to the nearest hospital. Tulowitzki is famous for being injury prone. He famously missed all of the 2018 season after tripping over first base, causing a serious ligament injury. This time, however, Tulo’s injury wasn’t on the field.
“I should’ve been more responsible,” the injured star remarks sadly. “I feel like I’ve let down my team, my coach, and especially my fans. I should’ve thought of the physical risks that come along with skipping rocks, but I was selfish. I promise I’ll do better.”
When a Second String reporter questioned Yankees manager Aaron Boone about the injury, Boone expresses his frustration.
“We haven’t gotten off to as fast a start as we’d like, so we’re a little let down by this injury,” the sophomore skipper says. “We can’t expect our players to give up their social lives, but we thought Tulo would be smarter than to skip rocks, especially with his history. It’s just too dangerous for him.”
Many fans have wished Tulowitzki well since his injury was announced. “Get well soon Tulo!” comments Twitter user @ladykiller420. “We need you back on the field as soon as possible!”
On an unrelated note, Tulowitzki is hitting .182 so far this season.
According to the doctor’s report, pardoning any setbacks, Tulo should be ready to play next Spring.
“It was a complete tear, and it seems like Tommy John is necessary” says Dr. Donald Sterling, the Yankee’s home doctor. “From what I could tell, Tulo tried to put a little extra spin on the skip with some shoulder rotation, and his UCL just snapped.”
Reportedly, on the throw that tore his UCL, Tulo’s rock skipped 27 times.
“I’m proud of the skip, but I’m disappointed with the consequences,” Tulowitzki concluded. “I take large precautions to protect my health, so I think it’d be best if I drop my rock skipping hobby. It’s clearly too hazardous for me.”