Vintage Tiger Performance Almost Makes Us Forget Years of Marital Trouble, Questionable Behavior

by Alex Poletti

In a masterful performance en route to the 2019 Masters title, Tiger Woods reminded us of days of yore, when he graced the covers of Wheaties boxes and was championed as a positive role model for people of color. The nostalgia has been so strong that we’ve almost forgot about his run with prostitution and DUIs among other nefarious endeavors.

But let us be transported back to 2005, the year Tiger last wore the green jacket. George W. Bush was president of these here United States. The Iraq War was in full swing. Hurricane Katrina hit Louisiana and Florida. “Crash” came out, soon to be announced as the most deserving Best Picture winner in Oscars history.

Truly, it was a great time for everyone. Looking back on the glory days of our great country makes us feel a sense of longing for what once was. Now, with Tiger claiming his fifth Masters championship, we can’t help but look back with rose-tinted glasses.

“Man, Tiger is such a great guy,” 64-year-old ameteur golfer Derrick Rosenthal says. “He’s always been such a good role model. What a great family man. I’d trust him behind the wheel any day.”

After the tournament, Woods was spotted driving off with his family in a nice SUV. He stayed on the road the whole time, yards away from any trees lining the sidewalks.

“He had such a nice car,” an onlooker tells The Second String. “And a great back windshield. I bet it’s always been that impeccable.”

Woods’ Saturday tee shot on the 16th hole and general mastery of the back nine was reminiscent of his masterful performance at the 2000 US Open and his back-to-back PGA Championships in 2006 and 2007, back when he was happily married to Elin.

“Remember them?” 45-year-old husband John Morrison says to his despondent wife. “What a great couple they were.”

After his strong showing in Augusta, it seems that we all have Tiger fever once again in 2019, which is not to be confused with his STD scare back in 2009.

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