Sean McVay’s Waiter Tops List of Prospective Head Coaches

by Alex Poletti

A leaked dossier from a prominent football think tank in concert with two undisclosed NFL teams names Jeff McNamara, a man who once waited on Rams coach Sean McVay, as the most promising potential head coach for teams looking to hire.

After McVay burst onto the scene in 2017, teams have been clamoring to get a mind like his. The former Washington offensive coordinator led the Rams to a Superbowl birth at the tender age of 33, becoming the youngest head coach ever to do so. The Rams were the only team in the 2018-2019 season to boast a top-five passing and rushing attack.

Ever since his blistering success, teams have been keen to get a talent like McVay. The Miami University alum’s influence has led to the signing of McVay’s former assistant coaches Matt LaFleur and Zac Taylor by the Packers and Bengals, respectively.

Thus, 38-year-old San Diego State grad Jeff McNamara finds his way to the top spot in the latest list of head coach prospects for the 2020 season. Although he has never played or coached football, his exposure to McVay puts him in elite company.

McVay has four times waited on McVay in Los Angeles, three times at Alexander’s Steakhouse in Pasadena where McNamara currently works, and once at the Cheesecake Factory in Los Angeles.

“I think I have a really interesting perspective on Mr. McVay,” McNamara explains. “Few other people remember his drink order as well as I do.”

Such an intricate knowledge of the mind of the football genius could be useful for NFL teams looking to recreate the Rams’ success going forward. However, that’s not all McNamara can offer a team.

“I also got a really good whiff of his musk,” McNamara says. “The musk is really important, I think. Kind of a leathery smell with oak undertones, if that makes sense. Really didn’t need cologne.”

The list of pros on McNamara speaks for itself, but the dossier does dive into his negative aspects as well. He has never played football at any level, nor does he watch professional football now, which some see as a downside.

Working at a Michelin-star restaurant, McNamara considers himself cultured. As such he refers to soccer as football, despite the fact that he doesn’t watch that sport either.

“I think that American football is a barbaric sport,” the waiter continues. “I prefer the game of the old country.”

There is room for hope, however, as McNamara has shown extraordinary football prowess. To test his football IQ, some executives from an unnamed AFC team showed him a series of famous football plays to see how he would react. When they showed him a picture of the Seahawks’ formation on the one-yard line of Super Bowl XLIX, something clicked.

“I just yelled ‘RUN IT!’ really loud,” McNamara recalls. “I had never seen the play, but some instinct must have kicked in. I think it was common sense.”

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