by Alex Poletti
Just a few days after being traded to the Miami Dolphins, former first round pick Josh Rosen stumbled upon some more exciting news: he has been “promoted” to water boy for the 2019-2020 season.
Rosen was traded from the Cardinals to the Dolphins for a second round pick and a fifth next year after Arizona drafted Heisman winner Kyler Murray first overall. However, the Dolphins already signed Ryan “Fitzmagic” Fitzpatrick, so they decided to give Rosen a new position.
“I know we traded for Josh, but we can’t start him,” Dolphins general manager Chris Grier says. “We have a 36-year-old career backup, so clearly that’s the better option. Anyway, we need a water boy, and Rosen will just be sitting there like a schmuck if we don’t give him anything else to do.”
Grier made sure to clarify this as a promotion for Rosen in order to boost his self esteem. So far, it seems to be working.
“I’m excited to get a fresh start with a new team,” Rosen says. “And these players get thirsty! It’ll be nice to know I’m needed for a change.”
Josh Rosen had an abysmal season in 2018 for the last-place Cardinals, accruing 14 interceptions while only throwing 11 touchdowns. His record as a starter is 3-10. Despite his below average stats, the UCLA product has garnered a reputation for his kindness. After the trade, Rosen offered his replacement, Murray, his Scottsdale apartment in his farewell video.
“Really, I wish the guy the best of luck,” Rosen says of Murray. “Not only did I offer him my apartment, but I tried to give him my signing bonus and my girlfriend. Really, I’m just trying to be cordial.”
The Second String was not able to reach Murray to ask if he accepted either offer, as he was too busy partying like it’s 1922.
Rosen, always a hard worker, is already on the job, trying to give water to people in Miami. Although the task seems easy, the ex-quarterback has found it more difficult than expected.
“Honestly, it’s kind of a workout,” Rosen says. “I’m used to just standing around in the pocket until someone puts me on the ground, so this is a different experience. Also, we didn’t have water where I went to college, so that’s a new sensation, too.”