Protests Outside Staples Center Leads Lakers to Move Back to Minnesota

by Alex Poletti

Amid angry protesters outside of Staples Center in Los Angeles calling for ownership to fire the coaches and sell the team, the LA Lakers have made the decision to move back to the North to once again become the Minneapolis Lakers

“I knew moving out West would be a bad idea,” Jim Buss, whose family owns a majority share in the Lakers, says. “The fans were always much nicer back in Minnesota.”

The Lakers were founded in Minneapolis in 1947, getting their name from the state’s famous 10,000 lakes. Seeing Los Angeles as a more profitable market, they moved out to California in 1960.

Although they experienced much success out West, there was always a sense of longing to return home.

“It’s like that movie ‘Inside Out,’” Lakers president Jeanie Buss says. “California is nice and all, but you always want to go back home.”

Sources in the Lakers organization tell The Second String that this move has been in consideration for a long time, but fan support has always stopped them from doing so. Now that the fans have turned on the franchise, the plan finally made sense.

“So you don’t like having me in LA?” Lakers star and wine connoisseur LeBron James says. “Fine then. I’ll go back the Midwest where they appreciate me.”

The Lakers had an abysmal season, ending up in 10th place in the Western Conference with a record of 37-45. Although LeBron was injured for a good portion of the year, the Lakers fans will take no excuses.

“Here’s the problem: we only have one Ball on our team,” disgruntled Lakers fan John McCormick says. “How do they expect to succeed if they don’t have LaMelo or LiAngelo on the court or Lavar in the front office? It’s heresy.”

Fan input like McCormick’s means very little now, as the move to Minnesota has already been approved by NBA owners. In a 29-1 vote, the teams approved of the relocation back home to Minneapolis. The one team that dissented? The team currently playing in Minnesota.

“Hey, we actually are playing here if you didn’t notice,” Timberwolves majority owner Glen Taylor says. “I think we’d appreciate it if you didn’t encroach on our turf.”

When asked about the dissent of the Timberwolves, Jeanie Buss had this to say:

“The Timberwolves? That’s an NBA team? I’ve honestly never heard of them.”

The Lakers plan on opening their 2019 season representing Minneapolis. Not intent on improving the team for the 2019-2020 season, Lakers ownership is just excited to replace the anger of LA fans with pure Minnesota passive-aggressiveness.

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