Tim Tebow Announces His Next Athletic Endeavor: Football

by Luke DePalatis

Syracuse Mets outfielder Tim Tebow has just announced his transition to a brand new sport: football.

Though merely being in the New York Mets AAA organization, Tim Tebow has been an all-star in the world of baseball. When the 31-year-old outfielder entered the league in 2017, his jersey sales skyrocketed above all other MLB players, only behind Cubs third baseman Kris Bryant and former Red Sox DH David Ortiz.

Despite his fame and success early in his MiLB career, Tim Tebow has struggled both on the field and at the plate, slashing a poor .157/.216/.231 in 2019 so far. This poor performance has led to his fading popularity.

“I was hoping to be starting in the MLB outfield by this point in my baseball career,” Tebow comments. “I’m a little disappointed in my progress over the past few years, so I’ve decided to take my athletic talents somewhere else. Specifically the gridiron.”

When asked why he’s attempting such a bold change, Tebow says, “I have some experience in football. I played in college and was pretty good, I guess. If they let me onto a professional baseball team, I’m fairly sure I can get onto a professional football team. I mean, Eli Manning is still playing, right?”

Notably, Tim Tebow was drafted 25th overall in the 2010 NFL draft by the Denver Broncos after winning the Heisman award in the 2009 NCAA football season. Over his several years in the NFL, Tebow’s run and gun play style was challenged, leading to a disappointing career.

When we questioned Mr. Tebow about his flopped NFL career, he interrupted, saying, “Career? What career? I have no idea what you’re talking about. NFL? Pshhhhh. This is a totally new experience for me.”

The transition is expected after this season of AAA baseball, where Tebow hit his very first homerun on the season just two days ago.

“It’s sad to see Timmy go,” Mets general manager Brodie Van Wagenen says. “He may be struggling so far this year, but he’s still performing better than out current MLB outfield.”

When asked about Tebow’s NFL prospects, Buffalo Bills manager Brandon Beane dropped to his knees and started pleading uncontrollably about something that sounded vaguely like “anyone but Josh Allen, dear God, anyone…”

“I’m not sure why I even decided on playing baseball in the first place,” Tebow concludes. “I’m excited to see what this next journey in life offers me.”

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