by Alex Poletti
After Sunday’s 100-94 loss against the Toronto Raptors, Milwaukee Bucks fans saw their best season in years sadly come to an end. However, the disappointed fans remembered there’s one thing to which they can always turn: beer.
“Oh yeah we were sad after da Bucks lost again,” Milwaukee resident Evan Stoklasa says, cracking open a can of Miller. “But we do what we do best in times of tragedy, and that’s drink.”
The Bucks took the Badger State by storm this year, posting a league-best 60 wins. They made quick work of the Pistons and Celtics in Rounds One and Two, leading many to believe this could be the year the Bucks gloriously returned to the Finals. Unfortunately for cheeseheads, this was not the case.
Giannis and company could not match the play of Kawhi Leonard and great Canadian disses from a courtside Drake. With all the star power north of the border, Milwaukee didn’t stand a chance, losing the series in six games. Luckily, Milwaukee has booze to keep them going.
“The thing is, the beer was going to be flowing either way,” bartender Johnny Bauman says. “If we win, we drink. If we lose, we drink. Honestly, we have a good system up here.”
Early reports show that alcohol sales have almost doubled in Cream City following game six’s final buzzer. With Milwaukee eliminated from the playoffs and Toronto moving on to face Golden State, The Second String field reporters have also noticed that most Milwaukee bonfires are using “Scorpion” albums as tinder.
“This whole thing reminds me of watching the Packs when Aaron Rodgers went down,” Wisconsin native Mary Sherman says. “Just a tragedy, aina? We all mourn together.”
Without the Bucks, restless heads turn back to Brewers outfielder Christian Yelich, who is setting Major League Baseball on fire a season after winning the National League MVP award.
“We love ourselves some Christian Yelich,” Stoklasa says. “Us cheeseheads need to have short attention spans when it comes to sports. Otherwise we’d all be alcoholics. Luckily, we’re all just casual drinkers up here.”
As he finished his sentence, the grieving Bucks fan shotgunned his fourth beer of the night, spilling cheap booze on his Antetokounmpo jersey with reckless abandon.