by Alex Poletti
Arousing from a deep slumber, NBA star LeBron James looked around to see familiar faces. After taking a second to reorient himself, the 2016 NBA Finals MVP realized that his entire year as a member of the Los Angeles Lakers organization was just a terrible dream.
“LeBron, LeBron, it’s me!” his mother Gloria James said, shaking his shoulder. “Wake up honey!”
As his eyes opened, he was greeted by his mother and Cleveland teammates in his Akron home. Looking at the Brett Kavanaugh-style Calendar on his wall, he saw that it was still 2017.
“Oh, I had a horrible dream!” LeBron said. “No, it wasn’t a dream, it was a place. And you, you and you were there!” LeBron pointed to three of his friends who looked eerily similar to Kyle Kuzma, Brandon Ingram and Lonzo Ball.
At this point in the encounter, the professor, who shares an uncanny resemblance to 2018-2019 Lakers head coach Luke Walton, stopped by to check on young LeBron.
“What a horrible place! I was playing for the Los Angeles Lakers,” LeBron continued, while his family and friends chuckled to each other. “And I didn’t make the playoffs, and the city turned on me. What a rotten time!”
A hand rested on LeBron’s shoulder, that of teammate Kevin Love, who calmed him down amid the confusion.
“Don’t you see, you’re back home now!” Love said. “All of your teammates are here to greet you. We heard you got an awful bad bump on your head so we all came over to check up on you.”
LeBron went on to tell his friends, family and teammates the rest of his dream, in which he followed the money to a place called LA, where he was given $35.6 million a year and a big budget movie. However, all of this went south when the Wicked Teams of the West overtook his squad and made him strain his groin.
At this point, J.R. Smith jumped on LeBron’s bed and barked.
“Oh J.R.,” LeBron said. “There’s no place like home!”