by Luke DePalatis
After the Golden State Warriors managed to pull together a miracle win in the NBA finals last night, all was looking up for 8-year-old Timmy Miller, a local Oakland resident and Warriors fan. Though an emotionally taxing game, due to Kevin Durant’s injury, Timmy was in his front yard, shooting hoops with his father, Todd.
Though all seemed well as Timmy imitated his heroes Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson, tragedy struck when his right shoelace slipped undone, sending little Timmy sprawling onto the hard pavement.
Suddenly, in a shocking twist, thousands of Toronto Raptors fans flooded the scene, cheering, jeering and waving goodbye to the injured eight-year-old as he screamed in pain for his father.
The inappropriate, unsportsmanlike display drew harsh reactions from several NBA players, including Stephen Curry himself, who personally reached out to the youngster, commenting on Twitter about the “ugliness” of Toronto fan behaviour. The Warriors management has since given the Miller family front row seats in the first game at Chase Stadium next year.
“Trash,” says Draymond Green, before erupting into a stream of curses that don’t seem to relate to the situation in any way.
“You never want to see an injury like that,” Todd Miller says to the Second String when asked for comment, on the verge of tears, “and the reaction makes it even worse. Just blatant poor sportsmanship. Where’d they even come from?”
After several hours of harassment, the Oakland PD arrived at the scene and dispersed the crowd, many of whom promptly apologized and began to chant “Little Timmy” as Todd carried him into their family house.
Reportedly, famous rapper Drake was spotted at the scene.
“We’re not really sure where all these Canadians came from,” says Oakland police chief Anne Kirkpatrick. “They seem to rise from the cracks in the ground, almost like ants after the rain.”
Although the injury was a bad one, Timmy is poised for a speedy recovery.
“Things are looking good right now,” Todd continues. “We got Timmy inside, gave him a Spongebob-themed band aid, and fed him a popsicle. I’m confident he’ll be back on his feet in no time.”
When asked for a response, the Toronto Raptors organization refused to comment.
“It was absolutely classless,” Todd finishes. “I thought Canadians were supposed to be nice.”