by Alex Poletti
After a heartbreaking injury in game five of the NBA Finals, Golden State Warriors forward Kevin Durant looks likely to be in recovery for a considerable amount of time, leading Director of Sports Medicine and Performance Rick Celebrini to suggest knitting as an alternative to basketball.
“Oh gee, that looks really bad,” Celebrini says of the likely Achilles tear. “You may be out for quite some time. Have you considered taking up a hobby? Knitting or basket weaving perhaps?”
In an act of Bay Area heroism, Durant played 12 minutes to help his team to a decisive game five victory. However, the performance came at a great cost, as Durant may be out for the entirety of the 2019-2020 season, leaving one of the most important free agencies in sports history in doubt.
The Achilles tear is one of the most dreaded injuries in basketball, with many stars taking years to return to their previous level of play. Players such as Elton Brand, Kobe Bryant and teammate DeMarcus Cousins have all suffered the tear, all leading lesser careers after the fact.
“After the Achilles tear, my basketball ability went way down,” Cousins admits. “The recovery time is about a year, so you really need to find something else to do. That’s why I took to making cooking vlogs. It helped me through a difficult time.”
Celebrini, appointed to his new position in August of 2018, leads a Warriors sports medicine department severely lacking after the departure of head performance therapist Chelsea Lane last July. Since then, the team has encountered serious injury concerns, with Celebrini offering little help.
“Most of the time, I just like to suggest other activities to them when they get hurt,” Celebrini explains. “When Boogie was out, I taught him how to make an origami plane! That was one of the most successful rehabs we had.”
This form of recovery is especially important for Durant, as he doesn’t really have a whole lot else to do.
“Kevin’s entire life is basketball, pretty much,” Celebrini continues. “He really needs a hobby if he’s gonna be out for a year. I still think knitting is option number one, but we’ve had success with other activities, too. Apparently, starting a rap career is a great option if you have a year off.”
Knowing the way the world works, Durant will likely sit out next season only to sign a $5 million, one-year deal with the Warriors in two years’ time, joining a team that will somehow include Zion Williamson and Ja Morant.
Although Celebrini’s methods have not always been successful in guiding long-lasting recoveries, he has received positive reviews from some players.
“Honestly, that paper airplane was pretty bitchin,” Cousins says.