US Women’s Team Outraged They Only Get Credit for 79 Percent of Goals

By Alex Poletti

Showing that the gender inequality in sports is far from over, the American Women’s soccer team has vocally criticised the decision that they only get credit for 79% of their goals after Tuesday’s 13-0 route of Thailand. According to sources on the national team, the players believe that they should get as much credit for their goals as men.

“When you take into account the caliber of competition these women face,” a FIFA official said when reviewing the goals, “each score is really worth just under 80% of a man’s goal. Therefore, the final score should really be 10.27-0.”

This is the latest issue for the US team, as they are in the midst of a lengthy battle for equal pay with their male counterparts. Surely, the fact that their goals now count less is not a good sign.

“We’re already making peanuts compared to the guys,” forward Alex Morgan says. “This is a setback for us. We’re trying to prove that we’re just as good athletes, if not better, than the men. Now that our goals mean less, we only score about 35 more than them per World Cup.”

Despite performing significantly better than the men, the female athletes still make far less money and often lack the same utilities. Thanks to the official FIFA ruling, it seems that their fight could be long from over.

“We feel that this decision reflects who we are as an organization,” FIFA president Gianni Infantino says. “Honestly, this is probably the best thing we’ve done in years.”

It’s possible that the team knew about the new statistic before it was announced to the public, serving as an impetus for the utter destruction of Thailand’s team. Without a win by such a big margin, there’s a chance that no one would have noticed them.

“Honestly, we played the way we did so we’d finally get some god damn media coverage,” team captain Carli Lloyd says. “We figured that we needed to win by at least 10 for the American people to realize that we were even in a World Cup. Therefore, with the new metric, that meant thirteen goals.”

After this ruling, FIFA has already teased new rule changes for the women, such as renaming fouls as “women not knowing their place cards” and possession percentage as “how often this bitch clingy.” Certainly a step forward for sports equality.

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