Ortiz Shooter Admits Real Target Was Yankees DH

by Alex Poletti

As the initial investigation into the tragic shooting of Red Sox legend David Ortiz nears a conclusion, the shooter, 25-year-old Rolfi Ferreira Cruz, has admitted he did not mean to shoot Ortiz, stating that his real target was the designated hitter for the New York Yankees.

“I got this bounty for the Yankees DH,” Ferreira Cruz says from custody. “It was crowded at the [Dial Bar and Lounge] and I saw a designated hitter. I thought he was the guy, so I took the shot.”

The shooting occurred in Big Papi’s hometown of Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic. There was no security personnel with the All-Star at the time. Later, Ortiz was flown to Boston for further treatment, where he remains in stable condition.

“It was all a big mistake,” the shooter continues. “I didn’t even know which DH I was supposed to get. At first I thought Hideki Matsui, but that didn’t make much sense. What would Godzilla be doing in Santo Domingo? I thought of current guys like Kendrys Morales or Luke Voit, but I couldn’t see them anywhere. I’ll be honest, when I went in, I was just looking for a DH, any DH. Unfortunately, Big Papi was the man in there.”

Because the Yankees have not had a consistent DH like their Boston rivals, authorities are still uncertain who the real target was, given that Ferriera Cruz’s statements are true.

“You see, the Yankees have no true DH,” chief prosecutor in the Dominican Republic Jean Alain Rodríguez says. “They use the position as more of a platoon, where certain players needing to rest can take a day off from the field but still add their invaluable bats to the lineup. Often times, the DHs are capable defenders, such as Giancarlo Stanton, who just happens to be a less viable option in right field than Aaron Judge. So you can see why this investigation may be a little difficult.”

The motive for the attack is still unclear, but the information that this was meant for a Yankee could shine light on the situation. Perhaps a zealous Red Sox fan wanted to see the team atop the AL East take a fall. Or maybe this was just an inevitable continuation of the Yankees ongoing injury woes.

“There’s a lot still up in the air right now,” Rodríguez says. “But we’re hoping to bring this to a swift close. Hopefully, this investigation will be faster than David Ortiz running the bases.”

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