Public Should’ve Seen Brooklyn Signing Coming After 2017 Photos of Kevin Durant in Beanie, Non-Prescription Glasses

by Alex Poletti

As the shock of the Nets-Kevin Durant signing begins to fade, analysts now realize that the signing was inevitable, given the increasing percentage of hipster mannerisms and apparel choices over the past few years.

“Looking back on it, this makes a lot of sense,” former teammate Steph Curry says. “I remember when he showed up with faded, cuffed jeans, a shirt with comic sans print and a beanie to practice a few years back. That should have been the first sign that he would go to Brooklyn.”

Brooklyn has garnered a reputation in the United States as a hipster hot-spot, now filled to the brim with artisan beer gardens and Pinterest lighting decor. It’s possible that exposure to hipster culture in Oakland turned the two-time Finals MVP onto Brooklyn.

“I remember when we were showing him around, we passed by a vintage bookstore,” Klay Thompson recalls. “We were just going to walk right by, but Kevin wanted to go in and check out a first-edition copy of ‘The Anarchist Cookbook.’ When he said he wanted to frame it, I knew something was up.”

It’s not only teammates who knew something was amiss. Fans were let in on the secret through social media, where Durant would often post photos of himself at farmers markets or livestream himself listening to “Foster the People” before games. The most damning sign was when he took to Twitter to blast new fans of “Vampire Weekend” for not supporting the artists when they were making “truer” music.

“Based on his behaviour out in the open, it was easy to deduce that Mr. Durant would end up in Brooklyn,” social psychologist David Otero says. “People gravitate to the places most similar to them. When Durant picked up the non-prescription glasses because they gave him a smarter look, no other team had a shot of signing him.”

Apparently, Durant’s Brooklyn-inspired lifestyle put strain on his relationship with his Warriors teammates during the 2019 playoffs.

“No, Kevin, I don’t want to try your oat milk latte!” Draymond Green was overheard saying at a brunch with the newly-signed Nets star in early June. “I don’t care if the oats are locally sourced, I’m not about to drink that milk!”

According to Durant’s agent, Rich Kleiman, the star took steps to conceal his hipster tendencies leading up to the free agency period to maintain the tension.

“I asked Kevin to privatize any video on his social media that showed his new beard or advertised essential oils and beard wax,” Kleiman says. “We thought if the public new about these things, not only would they know where Kevin would sign, but they definitely wouldn’t care.”

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