by Alex Poletti
As the Wimbledon Men’s final four draws closer, it is no surprise that the big three of Tennis, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer and Novak Djokovic, find themselves in the hunt. Tired of competing against each other, the formidable troi has decided to play together and create the first Tennis super team.
“We’re here every year, and one of us always wins,” Federer explains. “But we’ve seen what the NBA has been up to, and that seems so much easier. Now we can all win every year without the struggle of competing.”
The three plan to continue to play in the singles competition, with one person guarding each side of the court and one person in the back. This will allow them to return virtually any ball hit on their side.
The Tennis world was quick to criticize the three, claiming that it would make Wimbledon non-competitive.
“There hasn’t been any competition at Wimbledon for the past 15 years,” reigning champ Djokovic responds.
The Men’s side of Wimbledon has clearly belonged to Nadal, Federer and Djokovic for the past decade, as one of the three has won the tournament all but two years since 2003. The only other play to win in that timespan was former world no. one-ranked Andy Murray. Nadal admits that despite his ebbing Tennis prowess, the trio still tried to recruit the Scotsman.
“We definitely wanted Murray on our team,” Nadal says. “Sure, he hasn’t been as good recently, but we could still use a fourth Wimbledon champ. He’d be our Boogie Cousins. Every super team needs one.”
Being the first team-up of its kind, Tennis officials aren’t quite sure how to handle this situation. Some have suggested that they all receive year-long bans, while some offer the opinion that other Tennis pros could offer them max contracts to lure them away from the squad. For advice, they turned to the basketball world.
“The easiest way to disband a super team,” Bob Myers explains, “is to force one of the stars to play a decisive game while they’re already nursing an injury. Then they’ll tear an Achilles and before you know it, the dynasty is gone.”
Prince Edward, the president of the All England Club, has not announced whether he will take Myers’ advice. At the moment, with no official ruling, it looks like the three will play together. Since they make up three-quarters of the remaining competitors, the next match will be the final, where the super team will take on no. 23 Roberto Bautista Agut.
“Well I’m pretty fucked,” Bautista Agut says.