State Farm Roster Gets Significant Boost After Trading Cliff Paul for Roman Westbrook

by Luke DePalatis

NBA player Russell Westbrook’s brother, Roman Westbrook, has announced his excitement to join an all new team: State Farm.

“I gotta admit, I was a little nervous,” says Westbrook. “When I discovered I had been traded to State Farm, I felt like I had some big shoes to fill.”

It was a bold move by State Farm who traded one of their biggest names, Cliff Paul, to acquire Roman. Despite his past success, however, Cliff Paul struggled last season. Statistics obtained by The Second String show that he only scored a 41.9% user score on Yelp, and only logged half as many vehicular damage assists as his former teammate, John Harden.

“It’s sad to see Cliff go,” says John Harden, “but it was about time. His numbers had fallen and he wasn’t nearly as helpful as your average neighbor here at State Farm.”

Rumors have circulated that Paul demanded State Farm CEO Michael L. Tipsord trade him after being verbally dunked on by Harden in a commercial that aired during the 2019 NBA finals.

“It’s been a really exciting time for us,” says Michael L. Tipsord. “Cliff was a great agent, but I feel like Roman is the full package and he works with our system really well.”

“I feel like I’ll have endless possibilities with my good neighbors here at State Farm,” Westbrook continues. “I think I found the place where I can use my talents to truly thrive.”

There are some questions about Westbrook’s ability to work with teammates, says market analyst Stephen A. Smith. Despite being known for his versatility, Roman has been known to be a bit of an attention-hog.

“In the end, State Farm is just a great fit for me,” finishes Westbrook. “I’m really excited to take my career in this new direction. With me on board, State Farm might finally take home the title this year.”

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