by Alex Poletti
Debating whether to end his season and operate on a marble-sized bone spur in his throwing arm amid a heated NL wild card race, Phillies pitcher Jake Arrieta sought the opinion of a man with intimate knowledge of the issue: President Donald Trump.
“We’re still in this race, and I want to help my team out in any way I can,” the 2015 Cy Young winner says. “Not a lot of people have been vocal about their experience with bone spurs, but I know about Trump’s, so I decided to ask him about the issue.”
In his six appearances since disclosing his diagnosis, Arrieta has an ERA north of 5.00 with no wins. Although he has pitched admirably early in starts, his elbow starts barking around the sixth inning, when his stats get noticeably worse. Luckily, the president was quick to respond to Arrieta’s call for help.
“I hear that Jake Arrieta has a bone spur,” the president tweets. “Sad! Jake is a very talented starter, the most talented. We have the best starters here.”
Trump was tragically diagnosed with a bone spur more than fifty years ago, ending his career as a Vietnam soldier before it began. However, it should be noted that Trump’s prospective career as a soldier was far less promising than Arrieta’s as a pitcher.
“If you want a bone spur diagnosis, I know a guy,” Trump continues. “He is a wonderful podiatrist, just wonderful. Very honest and very good at paying his rent to my father.”
Based on the series of tweets from the POTUS, it seems that Trump supports Arrieta shutting down for the season; after all, he did specialize in getting out of service time, Major League or otherwise.
This isn’t the first time that Arrieta has dealt with bone spurs, undergoing surgery in 2011 during his days with the Orioles. It wasn’t until 2014, three years after his surgery, that the 33-year-old became an effective pitcher with the Chicago Cubs.
“I’m a huge fan of Jake Arrieta,” the president concludes. “He is a living example of the American dream. And he shows that you need no prior experience as a good starting pitcher to win a Cy Young award.”