Bryce Harper Manages to Misspell Son’s First and Middle Name

by Alex Poletti

In April, The Second String reported that the royal family of baseball, Bryce and Kayla Harper, decided to name their unborn son Rocky Balboa Phanatic Cheesesteak to honor his Philadelphia upbringing. However, it seems that the Harpers have pulled a fast one on us, instead christening their baby boy as Krew Aron Harper. This is significant, given that Harper somehow managed to misspell both of his son’s given names.

How far can a child get by being Bryce Harper’s son? By naming the child Krew Aron, Bryce and Kayla intend to find out. Many have concocted theories about the meaning behind the name, with most agreeing that a simple typo was the culprit.

“My first guess is that it was baseball inspired,” anthroponymy expert Dr. Hank Harmon says. “Maybe he was trying to honor two of the all-time sluggers in Killebrew and Aaron. But he still shorted Killebrew and whiffed on Aaron. If that’s what you were going for, this ain’t it chief.”

There are several hints to help us determine the meaning here. Krew is most popular in Utah, America’s most mormon state. Harper is a devout mormon. However, this theory more so proves how wack Mormonism than anything else. One prevailing theory is Harper’s sense of competition, as Harmon explains.

“We know that Bryce Harper is a competitive guy; it’s what makes him such an intriguing Major League player,” Harmon says. “Bryce isn’t the only Harper playing in the MLB right now; the Twins have reliever Ryne Harper on their team. Clearly, Ryne is a much weirder name than Bryce, so it’s possible that by naming his son Krew, Bryce is just trying to regain that crown.”

In a more Freudian analysis, some scholars have hypothesised that Krew Aaron was conceived to a Mötley Crüe song. Perhaps subconsciously, because “crüe” is already such an egregious misspelling of “crew,” the newest Harper’s given name is an extension of that. Or maybe using K instead of C is the new pluralized Z (a la “Boyz in da Hood”), and the 2015 MVP is just ahead of the fad.

To help solve this mystery, The Second String reached out to the new mother for answers.

“Now that we’ve reached a certain level of celebrity, we need to name our child something strange,” the former Ohio State soccer player says. “Gwyneth Paltrow already took Apple, and Orange is far too presidential these days. So we just ditched fruit and went with something else altogether.

Why the happy couple went to Krew Aron, the world may never know. We wish the Harper family the best, and hope that Krew Aaron Harper reaches the level of name recognition as Mookie Betts and Boog Powell.

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