by Alex Poletti
After a blockbuster trade that sent left tackle Laremy Tunsil to the Houston Texans for two first round picks and change, it seemed that the Miami Dolphins were in full rebuild mode. However, an insightful interview with Dolphins general manager Chris Grier shows otherwise; in a turn inspired by the Colts, Grier is trading his offensive line to injure Josh Rosen into retirement.
“The truth of the matter is that Josh Rosen is absolute shit at NFL football,” Grier explains. “But he’s just too nice of a guy to cut. So instead of doing anything proactive, we’re just going to trade every competent offensive lineman in the hopes that Josh will suffer similar injuries to Andrew Luck, forcing him to retire prematurely.”
In one season in the pros, the first rounder underperformed greatly, so much so that the Cardinals spent a first round draft pick to replace him and shipped him off to Miami, the land where quarterbacks go to die. Although the Dolphins brought the UCLA alum on board to vie for the starting role, management recently announced that Ryan Fitzpatrick, who just collected his first social security check, will start for the Fins.
“It’s best for our team if Fitzpatrick gets the start, but we’re still going to give Josh a lot of reps,” Dolphins head coach Brian Flores says. “Whenever Josh gets on the field, we’ll sub out all of our starting linemen and just throw in some practice squad shit. The more sacks he takes, the shorter his career is and the happier we all are.”
The Tunsil trade is the first major move in line with the Colts model, in which a team consciously neglects crafting a competent offensive line to endanger the career of a promising quarterback. So far, the model is one-for-one in terms of producing results.
Despite the brilliance of the strategy on the surface, the moves have received plenty of criticism. Mainly, some speculate that the Dolphins get too much in return—in this case, two first round picks.
“This really isn’t fair,” sports pundit Stephen A. Smith says. “These guys get two firsts, one this year and one next year, and they get rid of Josh Rosen? That’s too sweet a deal for the Dolphins. Something’s up.”
Grier made it clear, however, that nothing is afoot.
“Our primary goal is getting Josh injured to the point where he can no longer play professional football,” the general manager says. “Getting anything positive out of the deal is just gravy.”