by Alex Poletti
In a move that nobody and everybody saw coming at the same time, the Oakland Raiders released star wideout Antonio Brown. Oakland has gotten little sympathy around the league, given the Raiders knew what they were getting into when they traded for the notorious diva. Despite the massive hole left in the offense, the Raiders will still feel Brown’s presence, as his ghost is still the best receiver on the team.
“He had a cancerous effect on this clubhouse, there’s no denying it,” manager Jon Gruden says. “I’d be lying if I said I’m not happy he’s gone. Even in his absence, though, we still expect him to score more for this team than any other Raiders receiver.”
Without Brown, the Raiders’ passing game looks subpar. The offense is led by a mediocre throwing arm from Derek Carr, accompanied by J.J. Nelson and the worse Hunter Renfrow.
“I’m gonna miss the connection we had,” the Oakland quarterback says. “I was so excited to throw to AB. Instead, I’m just going to throw to the space he would’ve been in. It’s still my best option with this receiving core.”
To add insult to injury, Brown signed with the New England Patriots faster than it took furniture thrown by Antonio Brown to reach the ground from a penthouse window. With the addition of the pro-bowler, the Patriots have two of the nicest, most personable players in their receiving core in Brown and Josh Gordon.
The Patriots have historically been a no-nonsense organization, which makes Brown a peculiar fit. However, owner Robert Kraft has some strategies to deal with the insubordination.
“I know a great massage parlor down in Jupiter, Florida,” Kraft says. “After I send Brown down there, he won’t be complaining about anything anymore.”
Without Brown, the Raiders move from optimistically terrible to just terrible. Antonio Brown might not be the only thing haunting Oakland this season, as every Bay Area hope and dream was just murdered in front of the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum
Certainly, what the Raiders feel can’t be too good of a sensation. However, as one Raiders fan notes, it is not completely unfamiliar to Bay Area locals.
“Brown just up and left,” Raiders fan Thomas Henry says. “Now the Raiders organization knows how the city of Oakland will feel in 2020.”