Snoop Dogg Offers Kansas University Conciliatory Blunt

by Alex Poletti

After a controversial performance at Kansas University’s annual “Late Night in the Phog” event involving strippers and expletive songs, rapper Snoop Dogg has not apologized, but did offer the school a conciliatory blunt for their troubles.

“When you pay for Snoop Dogg, you gon’ get Snoop Dogg,” the rapper says. “I had the time of my life. I enjoyed myself, hung out with the basketball teams. Yo, hit this shit.”

Kansas has not accepted his offer yet. In reviewing the incidents of this event, it seems that there were misunderstandings on both sides; Kansas expected the rapper to put on a clean show to kick off the university’s basketball season, while Snoop Dogg thought he was going to do what Snoop Dogg does every time he performs. Apparently, the misunderstandings haven’t stopped since the concert ended.

“They reached out to me and said they wanted to make a joint agreement,” the Doggfather explained on the Howard Stern show. “I was like, ‘Shit that’s all you had to say, I’m rolling one right now!’”

In the University’s official statement, they said they were not aware that platinum artist and little league football coach would bring strippers and a money gun to the concert. They further said that they want to create a family atmosphere at Kansas. The people who wrote those statements have obviously never been to a Kansas frat party.

Snoop had his reasons for bringing strippers and cursing, the main one being the fact that he is the motherfuckin’ D-O-double-G. However, some of his reasoning stretches far past that.

“I don’t know why they’re so mad I brought the money gun,” Snoop says. “Those guys don’t get paid for their play, I’m just trying to give them a stipend. Those players need to get that bread.”

Jeff Long, KU’s Director of Athletics, is now on thin ice with the school, given their want to keep school events clean and their tendency to scapegoat. It’s unaware whether the school will part with Long, just two years after he was let go from a similar position at the University of Arkansas for losing the support of fans and alumni.

“Fuck it, I’ll take a hit,” the 59-year-old white millionaire responds before smoking a fat one.

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