by Alex Poletti
Photo by Geoff Burke
After a horrendous start to the 2019-2020 season, the Golden State Warriors made it official this week by trading their relevance in the city of San Francisco to the 49ers, who are in the midst of an 8-0 campaign.
“We had a really good run being the only relevant team in San Francisco, but it’s time to pass the baton,” President of Basketball Operations Bob Myers says. “In return, we are excited to occupy Chase Center unbothered while we fade into sports oblivion until the 49ers start sucking again.”
The decision to trade away their relevance became apparent after two-time MVP Steph Curry broke his hand, sidelining him for three months. The Warriors, thanks to Klay Thompson’s torn ACL and Kevin Durant’s move to Brooklyn, are now without their big three, leaving the team in the hands of Draymond Green and D’Angelo Russell. Needless to say, they’ve been ass.
“We’ll be honest, this isn’t our best start,” Steve Kerr says following the team’s third loss in four games. “But we need to be true to ourselves and continue to play hard. Next man up, as they say, only at this point if we could direct all next men to Santa Clara to help the 49ers that would be greatly appreciated.”
The trade—which gives San Francisco’s football team primary access to press coverage, fan support and playoff success—is the latest in a series of trades to ensure that the city has at least one capable sports team.
“Back in 2014, the Giants saw that their window was closing, so they traded their rights to us,” Myers explains. “We gave them permission to name their stadium ‘Oracle’ because it sounded cool. Overall, it was a pretty even trade I’d say.”
It’s unclear what the Warriors will get from the surging football franchise in return for relevance. Often, the return depends on how long the dynasty lasts and how many titles the team brings to the city of San Francisco. So far, an insider tells The Second String, the 49ers have agreed to give the Warriors a high five from Joe Montana, a pair of Levi’s jeans and the charred remains of Jim Harbaugh.
“We don’t know how good the trade will be for us, mainly because the 49ers may not be able to keep this up for very much longer,” Myers speculates. “If Jimmy G goes down again or they have to face an opponent with a record above .500, things could turn south pretty quickly.”