by Alex Poletti
Facing immense criticism amidst a 5-4 season, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz announced that he and Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex, have been acting as each other for over a year in an attempt to bring the Eagles and the United Kingdom back together.
“Carson and I met in London last October during the Eagles-Jaguars game,” Prince Harry, who has been posing as the Eagles quarterback for over a year, says in the locker room. “We knew that the city of London and the team wouldn’t get back together without some interference, and we noticed that we looked quite a bit like each other, so we decided to swap places.”
Now, the critics that have been wondering about Wentz’s leadership and passing skills following his Pro-Bowl 2017 season have their answer: the North Dakota State alum has not played a game for the team since October of 2018; instead, Prince Harry has been at the helm.
“It took quite a bit of practice to get the accent down,” the real Carson Wentz says about assuming the role of the British royal. “But after a few weeks of him teaching me how to speak and act, and me teaching him how to throw a football, we were set. After I mastered the accent, the feuding with family members followed.”
The internet first began to notice how similar Wentz and the English prince looked in 2017, when both had monumental years; the quarterback garnered MVP attention en route to a Super Bowl win while Prince Harry announced his engagement to American actress Meghan Markle.
It wasn’t until the following October that the two were destined to meet, when the Eagles played the Jaguars in Wembley Stadium. The Prince tells The Second String that he arranged a meeting with Wentz to discuss a plan to bring the Eagles back to London in the future.
“My mum wasn’t a big sports fan, but she did wear Eagles jackets sometimes,” Prince Harry recalls. “For sentimental reasons, I wanted the team to play hear more often. In my quest to become more exposed to American cinema for Meghan, I stumbled upon a movie called ‘Parent Trap.’ It seemed like the perfect situation to utilize that strategy.”
The announcement comes at the right time for Wentz and Harry, as anonymous sources on the Eagles are beginning to criticize Wentz (who is actually Harry acting as the quarterback) for always going for showy places instead of making shrewd decisions with the pigskin.
“Things are getting a bit too heated for my taste,” Harry concludes, “so I think it’s time to hop on over the pond back to England.”
However, Carson Wentz has been enjoying his responsibilities as English royalty, and he may not give up the throne that easily.
“Harry, I’d love to go back to being the Eagles quarterback again, but this really isn’t a good time,” Wentz says. “Meghan and I have plans to go on a Monaco vacation soon. Maybe next season?”