David Fizdale-Shaped Body Bag Found Outside Madison Square Garden

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Brad Penner-USA TODAY Sports

Just a day after the Knicks decided to part ways with their head coach David Fizadle, a Fizdale-shaped body bag appeared outside of Madison Square Garden. The Second String has yet to discover the contents of the bag, but sources say it is shaped quite similarly to the ex-Knicks head coach.

“Come to think of it, I haven’t heard from Fizdale since the announcement that he was fired,” Knicks forward Julius Randle says. “But I was at the Garden late the night before and heard a loud bang, then I saw [Knicks owner] James Dolan carrying a body down a set of stairs.”

Certainly, the relationship between Fizdale and the Knicks was strained, given the poor performance of a team expected to succeed in the big market of Manhattan.

“From what I know, Fizdale was on the rocks with management for a while,” Knicks shooting guard Damyean Dotson, one of the teams longest-tenured players, says. “I know that ownership was looking to return to the success they had in the ‘70s. I guess that also means they went for the classic ‘70 New York way of getting rid of people.”

Fizdale, who formerly helmed the Memphis Grizzlies, was named head coach of the Knickerbockers before the 2018-2019 season. He somehow managed to be worse this season, leading his team to an Eastern Conference worst 4-18.

The Hue Jackson of basketball was far from popular in the Big Apple, given his atrocious winning percentage. The team couldn’t even succeed in bringing adequate players to the biggest sports market in America, which shouldn’t be too hard to do. This may explain why the police have yet to search the body bag, despite it laying on the street for almost 24 hours.

“If the Knicks have a problem they need to settle, we’ll let them do it in house,” Department Chief for the NYPD Terence Monahan says. “We don’t want to get involved with their business. If, however, our hand is forced and we must open the body bag and we find Fizdale’s body inside, we’ll have no choice but to award the Knicks a key to the city for the service they’ve done.”

This may not be the end for the Knicks either; many in the industry expect to see a Steve Mills- or Scott Perry-shaped body bag floating in the Hudson before the end of the week.

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