Joe Burrow Scrambles to Register for Sixth Year of College After Realizing He Has to Play for Bengals

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Kevin C. Cox / Getty Images

A week after top draft prospect Chase Young told reporters he is considering going back to The Ohio State University instead of entering the 2020 NFL draft, Heisman winner Joe Burrow announced he will try to attend LSU next year, despite graduating from Ohio State in 2018. The top quarterback in the class tells The Second String that his decision was inspired by the fact that he would have to play for the Bengals if he went pro.

“I’ve had a great time in college,” the Athens County, Ohio, native says. “Granted, I haven’t actually stepped foot on campus since I graduated back in early 2018, but I could definitely spend more time there. Sure, I have no more years of eligibility left and no classes to take, but at least I won’t be behind Cincinnati’s offensive line.”

Burrow lit the SEC on fire as a redshirt senior, leading the league with 48 touchdowns and a .779 completion percentage, the latter setting the single-season NCAA record. Given the QB-thirsty teams at the top of the draft board this year, it seems like a lock that Burrow will be taken first overall. However, the Bengals seemed poised to take the top spot, leaving Burrow in doubt as to whether the whole thing is worth it.

“I just don’t get why I’m being punished for being the best,” Burrow says. “Shouldn’t I be rewarded for playing well? I should be on the Patriots next year, not holding Andy Dalton’s ginger jock strap.”

Despite his intense desire to play anywhere other than Paul Brown Stadium, Burrow swears that he has no trouble returning to Ohio. Instead, the strong aversion to playing for the Bengals stems from their incompetence as a football team.

“I have nothing against the city. It’s my hometown team,” Burrow, who looks like if Macauly Culkin had taken testosterone pills, qualifies. “But Jesus Christ could you imagine having to play for the Bengals? They haven’t produced a good quarterback in their entire history. I don’t want to have to be compared to Jon Kitna and Ken Anderson for the entirety of my career.”

This has led the 6’4 signal caller to beg LSU to take him back for another year of college, despite him having no reason to be there. Already in Baton Rouge as a graduate transfer and having exhausted his eligibility as an NCAA athlete, he’s struggling to find cause to return.

“Can’t I just be an RA or something?” Burrow pleads to LSU president F. King Alexander, who recently won an award for having the whitest name in history. “Hell, I’ll apply to whatever shitty grad schools you have here. Do you actually have a college outside of the football stadium?”


Joe Burrow Men’s/Youth
Football College Stitched
Jersey Purple/White


9 thoughts on “Joe Burrow Scrambles to Register for Sixth Year of College After Realizing He Has to Play for Bengals”

  1. He sounds so egotistical! Watched his interview on a sports station on him winning the Heisman. His response was to the effect of this is where he’s meant to be. Bengals dodged a bullet.

    Like

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