Eli Manning Finds Out From Twitter That He’s Retiring

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Brad Penner/USA Today Sports

After a borderline Hall of Fame career spanning 15 years, Eli Manning is finally hanging up the cleats. The only problem is that no one has told Eli Manning yet. Twitter has started praising Manning for his work as the quarterback of the New York Giants, using hashtags like #10FarewellTour, despite the signal caller not making an official announcement about his future.

“I was actually thinking about playing another season, but Twitter seems pretty set on getting me out of this league,” Manning says. “It’s a shame, because I thought I had another few games in me.”

The 38-year-old’s production has been declining over the past few years. In 2017, he was benched for the first time in 12 seasons, and he finally handed over the starting reins this year to first round draft pick Daniel Jones in week three. However, Manning still showed signs of his former self, throwing for two touchdowns and zero picks in a week 14 contest against the Philadelphia Eagles.

“Eli has had such a great career” one Twitter user says. “We will miss him very much in the Big Apple. Proud of him for making this announcement.”

That wasn’t the only tweet of that nature, as many users referred to a retirement announcement, which never actually occurred.

“I feel like whenever I go up to speak, people think I’m retiring,” the first overall draft pick in 2004 explains. “Even at home, I called my brother about his spring vacation plans, and he immediately congratulated me on calling it quits.”

Manning’s Hall of Fame case is perhaps the most divisive ever. While he did lead the Giants to two Super Bowl victories over the fearsome New England Patriots, collecting Super Bowl MVP honors both times, he only had a .500 career record. Only two Hall of Fame quarterbacks have worse regular season records.

So is Eli actually retiring? Given the immense public pressure, the answer is probably yes. The only reputation that has loomed larger than his clutch performances in the postseason is his status as a huge pushover.

“If a bunch of random people on the internet think that I’m retiring, I might as well do it,” a dejected Manning says. “I don’t want to disappoint anybody. My dad tells me I’m already enough of a disappointment as is.”


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