Mavericks Bring Another Child Sacrifice to Luka Doncic Before Game

by Alex Poletti
Photo by NBC Sports

Not wanting to mess with tradition, the Mavericks continued their routine of bringing another child to Slovenian superstar Luka Doncic for him to eat before Dallas’s game against the Charlotte Hornets. The child, sources tell The Second String, has quasi-religious sacrificial significance, as well as an abundance of proteins and vitamins that make it an ideal superfood for the likely All-Star.

“We were informed by Luka’s people in the offseason that he performs best after devouring a child,” Mavericks head coach Rick Carlisle says. “We tried it out, and sure enough he’s having a monster season. I’ll admit, it’s more difficult to get him a willing parent to give up their child to be savagely eaten before road games, but at home we’ve been able to consistently get him what he needs to succeed.”

The results have been incredible. In his sophomore season, Doncic has averaged 29.1 points per game along with 8.9 assists, both third best in the league. As the leading scorer and playmaker on a hot Dallas squad, he has garnered serious MVP consideration alongside the perennial powerhouses of Giannis Antetokounmpo, James Harden and the Lakers power duo of Anthony Davis and LeBron James.

Today’s lucky child to be presented and later eaten raw by the 6’7 small forward was Brayden Winters, who was spotted by an assistant coach holding a pro-Luka sign in the second row. Doncic snapped a picture with the kid before consuming him and utilising his life force to reach a higher plane of basketball existence.

“This was my son’s dream!” father Ryan Winters says. “We love Luka and we’re so glad we can be helping the team succeed.”

While one may expect a certain level of apprehension from Dallas-area parents, fans with young children have been surprisingly willing to give up their children to help with Doncic’s MVP push.

“I totally get it,” Mary Tomlinson, mother of two, says. “Everyone in Dallas loves Luka. If you have a kid, especially if you have an extra one, you might as well donate them to Doncic. It’s not like they’ll be put to better use in the Dallas public school system. Personally, I’m saving my kids for the playoffs. When my kids get turned into a pre-game shake for Doncic, I want it to mean something, damnit.”

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