Tom Brady Shocks World by Declaring for XFL Draft

by Alex Poletti
Photo by AP Photo/Matt Rourke

In a move that confused many in the football world, the NFL GOAT Tom Brady declared for the XFL draft. This move will end his two-decade stint with the New England Patriots, as well as his NFL service time.

“I want to prove that I’m the greatest to play this game,” Brady, a six-time Super Bowl champion, says, “and I want to prove that I can do it without the Patriots. Therefore, I will play in a league with vastly inferior players, coaches and facilities.”

While the NFL draft narrative is focused on Bombing for Burrow, the XFL draft will now center around Tanking for Tom. Brady figures to be the best player in the league, given his competition consists of practice squad talent at best.

“The XFL gives me everything I want for my future,” the three-time MVP says. “The way Roger Goodell has handled the NFL is shameful. Haven’t we all looked at Vince McMahon and said, ‘This is the guy who should run a football league?’”

Given his superstar status, Tom Terrific is unlikely to be penalized in a similar fashion to what he saw during his Patriot days. He received a four-game suspension at the start of the 2015 season for his role in the Deflategate scandal.

“You want balls to be deflated?” XFL commissioner Oliver Luck asks. “We’ll change the regulations for you. We’ll also set up a camera focused on the other team’s sideline to stream to you 24-7. Whatever you want, Tom, we’ve got it for you.”

Brady has transcended scandal to become widely regarded as the greatest football player of all time. He currently ranks second in passing touchdowns and yards, both behind Drew Brees. If he continued playing in the NFL for a couple more seasons, he would likely vie for those titles; however, after a down year and a frustrated first-round loss to the Titans, he’s decided to go a different route.

“If Bill [Belichick] isn’t going to give me the weapons to succeed, I’ll go to a place that does,” the Michigan alum says. “In this league, they probably let you bring actual weapons on the field, too.”

Of course, with teams in New York and Los Angeles, the XFL still gives Brady what he really craves: a big market.

“I’m happy to play in a city that can truly support me,” Brady says. “I can’t wait to fill a municipal soccer stadium in LA to half capacity and show the fans how this game should be played.”

Tom Brady New England Patriots
Nike Youth Navy Game Jersey

16 thoughts on “Tom Brady Shocks World by Declaring for XFL Draft”

  1. If that’s the way you feel about it more power to you. Go and enjoy. When you do something wrong you think you’re above that good bye.


    1. What a STUCK UP and completely horrible thing to say BOY this guy is really really HIGH on himself FUCK little Tom Brady


  2. Well it didn’t shock my world. Riddance to him. The primadona jerk will not leave a void in the NFL. Who wants to play with spoiled brats anyway? I didn’t watch the games he played in and don’t normally get into discussions about him but this is the right time to do so. You may have some goof supporters like thump has, those are the ones who loyalty follow without knowledge of what the heck is going on, well you won’t be missed. This league will do fine probably great without you. Riddance to you.


  3. Why don’t you be an actual reporter. You need to not just pick things that someone says. And make your own story. I have seen all of those quotes. And if you said that it was about being a fucking cable installer you can flip it to that instead of the xfl. You are a trash reporter and should consider a job change.


  4. These are so clearly fake unless these things actually happen dont report on claims and make up quotes


    1. If you are not able to understand the word “satire” which means not real, then stay off the Internet for your own personal well-being. This is funny as all get out, my goodness


    2. Satire… Google is free, wait, yeah, Google is free.? Ummm, it is I just checked, So go for it my man, go for it and check out the word satire. God bless


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