by Alex Poletti
Photo by AP Photo/Ben Margot
Insurance behemoth State Farm announced that they are parting ways with star quarterback and advertising frontman Aaron Rodgers following his disappointing loss to the San Francisco 49ers in the NFC Championship.
“We took a hard look at how we’re doing this season, and we think we are finally in a place to succeed without Aaron,” State Farm CEO Michael Tipsord says. “For that reason, we have decided to let Aaron go, allowing him to sign with other insurance companies at the season’s end.”
Once considered the best passer in football, the Green Bay Packers star has regressed a bit in recent years. In 2019, Rodgers posted the third lowest passer rating of his career, marking the third straight season that number dipped below 100. While still a top-10 quarterback, he doesn’t match up to his State Farm backup, Patrick Mahomes.
“Mahomes is the best quarterback in football,” Tipsord says. “We know Aaron is a fan favorite, but why should we keep paying him when Mahomes is putting up better numbers and has just as little charisma on the silver screen?”
Certainly, Rodgers didn’t do himself any favors against the 49ers. He threw two interceptions after throwing just four in the whole regular season. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back, as his backup racked up three touchdowns against zero picks in the AFC title game against the Tennessee Titans.
“We don’t think Aaron’s career is over by any means,” State Farm board member Debra Reed-Klages chimes in, “but his time with a big market squad like State Farm is probably through. That doesn’t mean there won’t be opportunities. Maybe The General is hiring?”
At 36, the two-time NFL MVP is no longer a spring chicken. Not only has that affected his performance on the field, but it’s also impacted his performance in his commercials.
“The form isn’t there any more,” ESPN’s Max Kellerman dissects. “He’s lost some precision on the discount double check — his arm’s sag and he doesn’t follow through. He used to make his money under pressure, but now he can’t keep his cool against the other actors opposing him in each scene. The delivery of lines isn’t as tight as it was when he started, either.”
Rodgers is still legally employed until after the Super Bowl. This is to his benefit, as he can collect insurance after Raheem Mostert ran over his entire team.
*This article is a work of satire. Though certain elements and quotes may be based on true events, this should not be taken as fact.