Tom Brady Confuses Followers with Cryptic Pole Dancing Twitter Post

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Tom Brady Instagram

Those hoping to glean some information about Tom Brady’s future whereabouts via his social media may have to work a bit harder, as the six-time Super Bowl champ just posted a cryptic black-and-white photo on Twitter and Instagram of him pole dancing in a stadium tunnel.

“It could mean a lot of things, really,” Patriots fan Helen Morrow says. “We don’t know if he’s facing towards the field or away from it, and most of his body is in a silhouette. All I know is that Boston is known for its great strip clubs, so I think this is a sign that Brady is sticking around.”

While Morrow has reached her conclusion, many are still left in the dark. The first-round loss to the Titans certainly isn’t helping New England’s case to keep the all-time great, nor is the reportedly strained relationship between Brady and longtime coach Bill Belichick.

“If we look closely, we can see what looks like a tongue up against the pole,” sports journalist Kevin Clark says. “Given he’s the only one in the photo, it’s a safe assumption that the tongue belongs to Tom Brady. He’s not a Yasiel Puig, where the tongue has become part of his image, so this is a deliberate choice on Brady’s part. Interesting mind games, to be sure.”

Brady has spent his entire 20-year career with New England, leading them to the most successful stretch in football history. While Adam Schefter of ESPN claims that the photo is not related to his off-season decision, it’s hard to imagine Brady posted this without hoping for some incendiary reactions.

“What troubles me is that pole dancing is not in the TB12 method,” New England native Tyrell Edmonds says. “This is a new activity that he has picked up. With the new hobbies and the new hair, I think he may be having a midlife crisis. I’m not sure what that means for the Pats, but it can’t be good, can it? I’ll say, though, the pole dancing has really improved his flexibility.”

So what does Brady’s involvement in the pole dancing fad say about his upcoming free agency? It’s hard to say. Perhaps it’s a way of shoving his departure in the face of Bill Belichick and owner Robert Kraft, or maybe he’s just trying to show the pole dancing community on Instagram some love and further destigmatize the activity. One thing we know for sure, however: those buns have never looked tighter.

*This article is a work of satire. Though certain elements and quotes may be based on true events, this should not be taken as fact.

Tom Brady New England Patriots
Nike Youth Navy Game Jersey

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s