Refs Go Mad with Power After Calling Offensive Pass Interference on George Kittle

by Alex Poletti
Photo by NFL

The referees of Super Bowl LIV have reportedly gone mad with power and are now trying to overthrow the NFL after calling offensive pass interference on San Francisco 49ers tight end George Kittle with no objection, a reporter at the scene tells The Second String.

“They can’t stop us,” crew leader Bill Vinovich says, laughing maniacally. “We have all the power here. They can’t control us, let’s call pass interference on every goddamn play. I don’t care if it’s a running play, what are they going to do?”

In a season where tension between referees and players has reached an all-time high, things were bound to come to a head eventually. It looks like it’s happening on the biggest stage, as the referees called a questionable offensive pass interference call on the last play of the first half.

“There are no checks on our power, we can do whatever we want,” Vinovich told his crew after realizing that no one would challenge his OPI call. “I say we find Roger Goodell, kill him and run the whole show ourselves.”

Fans have already started to object to the refs’ calls, with many pointing out that Minnesota Vikings tight end Kyle Rudolph clearly interfered with a pass during their Wild Card win against the New Orleans Saints, which wasn’t called by officials.

“We get that Rudolph’s situation was worse,” Vinovich says. “But that was against the Saints. We’re contractually obligated to blow calls when it comes to New Orleans.”

Perhaps if New Orleans was in the Super Bowl, things wouldn’t have gone down the way they did. Instead, it was San Francisco who was victim to the call, and they laid down and let it happen.

“We must overthrow the establishment that paints referees to be villains!” referee Brad Allen says, hijacking Jennifer Lopez and Shakira’s halftime show. “It’s time for the refs to rise up and govern this league. We will not be silenced!”

The referees have yet to find Roger Goodell. It is assumed that the NFL commissioner was taken to a secure bunker at some point during halftime. The refs celebrated the end of the second quarter and their rise to power by calling Shakira on holding during her performance.

*This article is a work of satire. Though certain elements and quotes may be based on true events, this should not be taken as fact.

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