by Alex Poletti
Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images
Gearing up for the postseason, the Los Angeles Lakers waived former All-Star big man DeMarcus Cousins to make room for Markieff Morris, meaning that Morris will play in the same city as his twin brother Marcus, who came to the Clippers in a trade deadline deal with the Knicks. The Lakers tell The Second String that this move is meant to help the team beat their crosstown rivals in the playoffs, as they hope Markieff and Marcus will switch teams during the games.
“We felt a little left out when the Clippers traded for Marcus,” Lakers general manager/LeBron’s personal fluffer Rob Pelinka says. “We see them as the biggest threat to our Finals chances, so we did what we could to match them at every step. With the Morris trade, we matched them in terms of age, height, facial structure and fingerprint, but I don’t think we can equal that production.”
Marcus Morris is having a career year, averaging 19 points between the Knicks and Clippers in 46 games. He’s had a better stretch than his brother, who was limited to 58 games last year by transient cervical neurapraxia. Markieff has been more of a role player this season, averaging 11 points and 4 rebounds off the bench for Detroit.
“I think we know we got the short end of the Morris stick, but there’s still hope for us,” Pelinka says. “We think there’s a decent chance that they’ll switch out every now and again. Maybe one of them will just stay at Staples Center and the other will go on road games for both teams, I don’t know. All I’m saying is with Markieff on our team, the likelihood of Marcus Morris slipping into our clubhouse and joining the Lakers without our knowledge becomes exponentially higher.”
A rumor circulated back in 2017, when Markieff went down with an ankle injury in the Eastern Conference semifinals, that his brother subbed in for him in game two. The Lakers can only hope that Marcus experiences some ennui and bullies his brother into letting him play with LeBron.
“It’s a long shot, but that’s the best chance we have of luring Marcus to the Lakers,” Pelinka says. “But regardless, it was worth it to see the look on DeMarcus Cousins’ face when we cut him.”
*This article is a work of satire. Though certain elements and quotes may be based on true events, this should not be taken as fact.