Steve Kerr Tells Steph Curry He Can Just Take Rest of Season Off If He Wants

by Alex Poletti

Though two-time MVP Steph Curry is making great progress in his recovery from a broken left hand that’s left him sidelined since October, he may not be seeing the basketball court any time soon. Warriors head coach Steve Kerr told Steph Curry that, given the state of the current season, he can just take the rest of year off if he wants.

“I know you like playing basketball and all, but this season’s a bust, man.” Kerr tells his star shooter. “If you’d rather spend a few weeks with Ayesha and the kids in Cabo, I totally get it.”

While injured, Curry is still getting his full $37 million salary. Even if he never sets foot on the court for the rest of the season, he’ll still reap the benefits of the campaign. This is a nice notion, because the Warriors have pretty much zero chance of winning another basketball game this year.

“I mean, Draymond is having a fun time leading the team,” Kerr continues. “I think it’s nice to give him some time at the top, even if it means winning 14 games. Klay’s still out, we haven’t signed Giannis yet, you can really press snooze on this whole March return date.”

Though some pundits predicted Curry would be out for the rest of the season, he’s healed wonderfully, setting a March 1 target return date. If he makes it back by then, he can join old friend Draymond Green, new acquisition Andrew Wiggins and a bunch of 2K-generated players in the starting line up.

“I know that you love to play basketball, but that doesn’t mean you need to play for us right now,” Kerr continues. “Honestly, any random pick-up team in Oakland probably has more skill than we do at the moment. We’re giving you an opportunity to catch up on ‘Mindhunter’ here. Take it.”

Kerr does admit that postponing Curry’s return is not necessarily in accordance with league rules, as non-injured players generally can’t stay on the inactive list.

“We’d have to fudge it a little bit,” Kerr says. “You’d just have to pretend your hand got a little worse so you could stay out. It’s no big deal, Kevin Durant did that all of last season so he wouldn’t have to play with this team and he seems pretty happy now.”

*This article is a work of satire. Though certain elements and quotes may be based on true events, this should not be taken as fact.

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