Luis Severino Out for Year Tommy John Surgery, Still Projected as No. 2 Starter for Yankees

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Elsa/Getty Images

The New York Yankees are faced with a serious setback in their quest for a 28th World Series championship, as starting pitcher Luis Severino will undergo Tommy John surgery, which will sideline the fireballer for the entirety of the 2020 season. Despite being unable to pitch at all, the Yankees still project that Severino will be the team’s second best starter after free-agent signing Gerrit Cole.

“Sevy is obviously an important part of our roster,” general manager Brian Cashman explains. “It’s unfortunate we’ll have to proceed without him going forward. Regardless of if he’s capable of raising his right arm, however, he’s still the second best pitcher we have available.”

Outside of top prospect Deivi Garcia, who has been brilliant in the minors but may not be ready for the bright lights of the Major Leagues, the primary options for replacing Severino include a guy who looks like he works out in the third row of the stands and a particularly tall member of the Yankees ground crew.

“We’re definitely considering all our options,” manager Aaron Boone says. “Right now, I’m thinking we’ll just have him stand on the mound anyway. He might not be able to throw anything, but at least he won’t give up any hits. We’re still workshopping the idea, but I think it’s our best bet.”

The loss is particularly difficult for the Bronx Bombers, as the squad hoped the 26-year-old would slot in behind Cy Young favorite Cole to form one of the league’s most formidable one-two punches. However, Severino will see another season derailed by injury after starting only three games in the 2019 campaign.

“We’ll find a way to make it work,” Yankees ace Gerrit Cole says. “I just came from the Astros, so I have a lot of thoughts. Maybe we could have him pantomime pitches and hide a pitching machine hurling 105-mph gas behind him. I’m not quite sure how the angle would work out, but Sevy is a tall guy, so I think we could fudge it. Other than the centerfield camera, I don’t know who else would see it.”

Reporters from The Second String explained to Cole that not every team had a camera in centerfield, which confused the 2019 strikeout leader.

“Wait, if you don’t have a camera out there, what the hell is the trash can in the dugout for?” Cole asks.

*This article is a work of satire. Though certain elements and quotes may be based on true events, this should not be taken as fact.

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