Bears Eyeing Tom Brady, Hoping He Teaches Mitch Trubisky How to Cheat

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Jim Rogash/Getty Images

In an attempt to bolster their roster for a 2020 playoff push, the Chicago Bears are looking to add an experienced quarterback to the team in free agency. Though solid options like Philip Rivers, Ryan Tannehill and Dak Prescott are available, a source close to the Bears tells The Second String that the team is targeting Tom Brady, not for his talent, but so he can teach Mitch Trubisky how to cheat.

“Even though we’re looking for another quarterback, we’re not ready to give up on Mitch Trubisky just yet,” Bears general manager Ryan Pace says. “We think he’s got what it takes to be a star in the NFL, he just needs someone like Brady to show him how it’s done, specifically how the cheating part is done.”

Brady is known as perhaps the greatest quarterback to ever play professional football, winning six Super Bowls in his illustrious career. However, his legacy is not without its blemishes, as he has been a part of several scandals, including the Deflategate scandal which saw him get suspended for four games.

“Having a guy like Tom on your team instantly makes it better,” Bears head coach Matt Nagy explains. “Especially because he can tell you how to get the best footage of the other team’s sidelines. That kind of leadership is a once-in-a-generation talent.”

The Bears had high hopes when they drafted Trubisky, trading up a spot to get him at No. 2 overall in the 2017 NFL draft. He hasn’t panned out like the franchise would have hoped, paling in comparison to Patrick Mahomes and Deshaun Watson, both of whom were drafted after him.

“The thing about Mitch is that he’s a good guy,” Nagy says. “He’s trustworthy, dependable and generally of good moral character. Once we beat that out of him, he’s got a good chance to turn into a solid player.”

The party most on board with this decision is the Chicago quarterback himself. With a giant chip on his shoulder and a work ethic to match, he’s up for the challenge of learning from the GOAT.

“He’s Tom Brady, you have to respect what he tells you,” Trubisky says. “I mean, I think the inflation of the football as determined by the league is fine, but if Tom thinks it’s better at a different level, he knows better than I do. Whether it’s illegally ascertaining video of the other team or physically manipulating the game equipment, I’m ready to learn from the best.”

*This article is a work of satire. Though certain elements and quotes may be based on true events, this should not be taken as fact.

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