Steph Curry Breaks Hand Again After Realizing How Good He Had It on Inactive List

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

It’s looking to be a sad day for Warriors fans, as two-time MVP Steph Curry is headed back to the inactive list after reinjuring his hand during a 121-113 loss to the Toronto Raptors in a 2019 NBA Finals rematch. Sources tell The Second String that this was actually by design, with Curry purposefully breaking his hand after realizing how much better it was to be sitting out this abysmal season.

“I was so excited to get back onto the court and play,” the three-time NBA champion says. “But once I finally started playing, I saw for the first time how truly awful this squad is. The pain of willingly breaking my own hand was not as bad as the humiliation I felt playing with that team for less than 30 minutes.”

In his first game since October of last year, Curry was shaky by his standards, but still put up 23 points in less than half an hour. His best effort couldn’t lead the Warriors to victory against the Raptors, who outscored Golden State in three of the four quarters.

“Honestly, it wasn’t my best game,” Curry admits. “I only made a quarter of my threes. I think by breaking my hand, I’m giving myself a little more time to get into MVP shape. Now I have the whole off-season to prepare.”

While many expected the Warriors to lose some steam after Kevin Durant signed with the Brooklyn Nets, no one could have seen this catastrophic failure of a season coming. By November, both of the Splash Brothers were out and the rest of the team consisted of stray members of James Harden’s strip club posse. Now, the best team of the 2010s has the worst record of the new decade.

“At the end of the day, I have a legacy to uphold,” Curry explains. “I don’t want to be associated with a losing team like this. I had to do what’s best for me, and in this case that was self-mutilation.”

Curry opted to take an awkward fall while fighting for the ball, purposefully landing incorrectly on his arm in hopes of it refracturing. It worked like a charm, as Curry is expected to be out until late July.

“It was kind of fun,” the Bay Area icon admits. “I got to show off a new skill. After that performance, I feel like Neymar and I should be getting paid the same amount for the same work.”

*This article is a work of satire. Though certain elements and quotes may be based on true events, this should not be taken as fact.

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