NBA Players Contemplate Singing ‘Imagine’ as Influence Wanes

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Katelyn Mulcahy / Getty Images

While the NBA has done its best to limit the spread of coronavirus by halting play until further notice, with some players going above and beyond by covering the salary of arena employees, basketball stars are still struggling with the loss of influence they’ve had since commissioner Adam Silver postponed the season. With this in mind, a coalition of players has started to contemplate singing John Lennon’s “Imagine” as a way to stay in the public consciousness.

“Tik Tok dances aren’t going to keep the masses intrigued forever,” LeBron James argues. “We saw Gal Gadot try it out and it kept people talking. I don’t know if we could do it better, but it’s hard to believe it could get much worse.”

As the first Shelter-in-Place orders were going out, a group of celebrities thought it would be a good idea and not at all socially (and for that matter musically) tone deaf to cover John Lennon’s iconic peace anthem “Imagine.” Instead of being met with rave applause, they faced quick and severe backlash.

“Bad press is still press,” James Harden chips in. “I mean, that’s how I stay in the paper.”

The group, which includes many All-Stars and quite a few MVPs, ran into an expected roadblock, as the league is generally not known for its musical talent. However, the players suggested a few creative ways to circumvent their lack of ability in that field.

“Thank you Dame Lillard, we will definitely consider adding a rap verse for you,” Players Union head Chris Paul mediates in a packed Zoom call. “And of course, Giannis will add a great guitar solo somewhere in there.”

While the group tried its best to include everyone, they forgot some key pieces, such as Indiana Pacers guard Victor Oladipo, who placed fifth in the second season of “The Masked Singer.”

“No it’s fine, I didn’t even want to be a part of your awkwardly shot and edited video,” the two-time All-Star says. “I’ll just do a live concert of my own on Instagram. That’ll show you guys.”

The group of players hope to have the video recorded and ready to share by next week. Given the level of talent they’re working with, they are likely to be the first rendition of “Imagine” to be sung in more than the 24 keys that exist in the Western musical tradition.

*This article is a work of satire. Though certain elements and quotes may be based on true events, this should not be taken as fact.

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