by Alex Poletti
Photo by A24
A surprise to no one, Kevin Garnett was elected to the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame on Saturday in a class that included fellow legends like Tim Duncan and Kobe Bryant. To celebrate the tremendous achievement, the power forward expressed his joy by shooting his “Uncut Gems” co-star Adam Sandler in the face with a handgun.
“Adam was a big fan of mine,” the 19-time All-Star says. “He’s a big basketball fan, and we had a great time working on ‘Gems.’ So when we heard the news, I called him up, drove over to his house and just shot him in the face. I didn’t get to do that in the movie, so it was nice that an occasion came along that warranted it.”
After retiring, Garnett took his talents to the Silver Screen, starring in the Safdie Brothers indie hit “Uncut Gems” with Adam Sandler, playing himself. He approached the film with his patented intensity, bringing believability to the role and playing well off his co-star.
“We are so happy for Kevin,” Jackie Sandler, the grieving widow of Adam Sandler, tells The Second String. “He is a great player and a great person. We’re so glad that he included Adam in his celebrations, even if it meant shooting him in the face.”
Garnett, a 2008 NBA Champion, is one of four players in NBA History to win both MVP and Defensive Player of the Year. A nine-time NBA All-Defensive First Team member, Garnett was a slam dunk for Naismith, entering with one of the most stacked classes in Hall of Fame history.
“It’s such a monumental moment for me, for my career,” Garnett explains. “I had to do something extraordinary to cap that off. Also something illegal. But the end of ‘Uncut Gems’ was my favorite part, so when I say that getting elected to the Hall feels like a movie, it’s only natural to go with my favorite movie ending.”
While plans for the induction ceremony are on hold, Garnett likely won’t be in attendance given his impending prison sentence for the murder of a comedy legend. While many fans are disappointed, there’s one person who doesn’t seem to mind.
“Hey, more publicity for me!” Tim Duncan says.
*This article is a work of satire. Though certain elements and quotes may be based on true events, this should not be taken as fact.