Devin Booker Wins Last Ever NBA 2K Players Tournament

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

For the first time in their pathetic existence, Phoenix Suns fans had something to be excited about as guard Devin Booker won the last ever NBA 2K players tournament, winning $100,000 and a special spot in oblivion.

“This was the highlight of my career thus far,” the first-time All-Star says. “I can’t wait for someone to find this victory in the footnotes of a Wikipedia article in 50 years’ time when going down a rabbit hole trying to figure out why Giannis’s stats were so low this season.”

Seeded fifth in the tournament, Booker made quick work of his competitors, sweeping his way to the final round against teammate DeAndre Ayton, who he also swept. The 74-62 victory against his teammate sealed the first and only perfect season in an NBA 2K tournament.

“This will stand as the ultimate triumph for 2K tournaments of this sort,” Booker says. “Not because nobody can do it better, but because no one will ever do this again. This was the only opportunity anyone will ever have to do this, and I’m glad I took advantage of it.”

The 2K tourney was born out of the basketball-less peril of the coronavirus epidemic. The NBA was quick to respond to the yearning for sports, agreeing to a deal with ESPN2 to broadcast the games on live television.

“It was incredible watching world-class athletes compete in an event that any person with limited practice could participate in,” NBA commissioner Adam Silver says. “Most of the time when people watch sports, they see superhumans who have spent their entire lives training. Seeing them play a video game that could be equitably mastered by any person with enough time on their hands and decent reflexes must have been a special experience.”

There is no word yet on whether the NBA will host another tournament, but the answer is clearly no.

*This article is a work of satire. Though certain elements and quotes may be based on true events, this should not be taken as fact.

New Era Phoenix Suns
Heathered The League Black
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