San Francisco Giants Accidentally Score All of Season’s Offense in One Night

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Sportsnation

In the midst of a mercurial season for the quasi-rebuilding Giants, manager Gabe Kapler and the squad made an outrageous blunder in Tuesday night’s game against the Colorado Rockies, accidentally scoring all 23 runs that they had allotted for the remainder of the season in one night.

“We haven’t been the best offensive team as of late,” Kapler, the first-year manager, explains, “so we budgeted 23 runs for the rest of the season. I guess I just wasn’t paying attention, because we just went through all of those runs last night. This was definitely managerial oversight on my part, I take full responsibility.”

After half a season of playing loosely .500 ball, the Giants offense exploded in a showing unmatched in the past 30 years, racking up 23 on the scoreboard against just five from the struggling Rockies at Coors Field. Leading the charge was Alex Dickerson, who after a slow start exploded with three home runs and two doubles to cap off the offensive performance of the year.

“I feel kind of bad,” Dickerson says of his stat-boosting showing. “Coach Kapler took us all aside a few days ago and showed us the breakdown of how many runs we were supposed to get, how many homers, et cetera. I took three of those homers in one night, and in hindsight I feel I should’ve paced it throughout the season, and really let some of the other fellas who have been working so hard get some of the big flies, too.”

While there’s no doubt that the performance was impressive, it may have rustled the feathers of some clubhouse veterans who have been taking their rationed offense seriously for the past several seasons.

“There’s no doubt, what Dickerson did last night was phenomenal, great baseball,” shortstop Brandon Crawford, who has won two World Series titles with the team, says. “But playing great baseball isn’t what this team is about. We all take some restraint so we can put up pedestrian offensive numbers. You think I’ve been hitting .240 for the last decade because I wanted to? No, it’s because we have to be smart about when we decided to cash in on the few runs that we have available.”

Now that they’ve blown through their allotted portion of runs, the fate of the rest of the season is up in the air.

“We’ll have to figure something out, not being able to score runs,” Kapler muses. “I mean, that’s pretty much what we’ve been doing for the last five years anyway, so if anyone can handle it, it’s us.”


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s