NFL Week 4: Top Fantasy Football Tips from The Second String

by Alex Poletti
Photo by NFLspinzone

As we near the quartermark of the NFL season, the frontrunners start to cement their playoff berths while everyone else just tries to stay afloat. The last week until week 12 without byes, now is the last time you’ll be able to play with your full team for a while, so you better take advantage. With that in mind, here are the top fantasy football tips of the week, brought to you by The Second String.

1. Disguise as Michael Thomas and Take His Place on the Saints
If you’re one of those souls who drafted Michael Thomas in the first or second round, it’s been an up-and-down start to the season. With three receptions for 17 yards all year long due to a high ankle sprain, it’s still uncertain if the star wideout will return in week 4. Really, there’s only one way to ensure that Thomas will perform up to par: take matters into your own hands. Disguise yourself as the star player, perform well in practice and take your snaps on Sunday to get those fantasy points.

2. Pick Up Titans You Think No One Would Want to Hang Out With
The Steelers and Titans saw their game postponed this week after the first major COVID outbreak of the 2020 NFL season. While it may seem problematic to start a Tennessee player, this is a chance for some undervalued stars to get a chance to break out. You just have to figure out who on the Titans no one else would want to have around to make sure you’re COVID safe. Derrick Henry or Ryan Tannehill? Probably a no-go. Kicker Stephen Gostkowski? Now you’re getting somewhere.

3. Divest in Bitcoin
This is more of a retraction from last week. Totally misread the stock market, turned out this was a huge mistake. I heard from my friend who heard from his cousin’s weed dealer that Bitcoin was rising, but that guy was clearly misinformed. Cash out of the casino while you still have some money left.

4. Pity Minnesota
Starting just on Tuesday, it’s been a tough time for Minnesota. Not only is their football team an abysmal 0-3, but the Twins just lost their 18th consecutive playoff game en route to a Wild Card round elimination. Facing DeShaun Watson on Sunday, things aren’t exactly looking up. They’ve had it rough. Just be kind and sit DeShaun Watson. Your friends up north will appreciate it.

5. Trade Real-Life Assets for Fantasy Players
While this strategy has been around for a while, no one seems to use it as much as they should. Why trade your second best running back to sure up your receiving core when you could just as easily give away your first born or a family heirloom? Think with your head, not with your heart. That’s the key to victory this week.

*This article is a work of satire. Though certain elements and quotes may be based on true events, this should not be taken as fact.

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