Twins Fans Switch TVs to Presidential Debate to Watch Something Less Infuriating

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images

As day one of the Major League Baseball postseason winds down, it’s clear that one narrative in particular is going to be hard to shake: the Minnesota Twins still can’t win a postseason baseball game. The Minnesota faithful, frustrated by the state of their team, collectively decided to watch the first Presidential Debate instead so they could relax with some less infuriating content.

“The level of incompetence on display tonight was indescribable,” life-long Twins fan Aidan Jones says. “An error in the ninth to lose the game after leading early—it was really upsetting. I needed to watch something less chaotic and unproductive, so I decided to turn on the debate to wind down.”

Tuesday’s action marked the 17th straight postseason loss for Minnesota, the longest such streak in North American sports history. Understandably, people wanted to look towards something much more successful: the American political system.

The Twins started off strong behind ace Kenta Maeda, who pitched five strong shutout innings. Though the Astros tied things up in the seventh, the final nail in the coffin didn’t come until the ninth inning, when a throwing error from shortstop Jorge Polanco ended up costing the Twins three runs and the game.

“It reminds you of what a big mistake we’ve made over these past four years,” Maeve Wiley, a St. Paul native, says. “Of course, I’m talking about letting Jorge Polanco play shortstop despite his defensive shortcomings. After all the regret came rushing back, I needed something like a nonsensical argument between two old white men to bring me back to stasis.”

There’s an added sadness that their defeat came at the hands of the Houston Astros, the undisputed villains of the 2020 MLB season. After news broke in the offseason that the Astros cheated their way to a World Series championship back in 2017, the collective baseball community has been trying to get back at them.

“When you see a crook, a total cheat—an admitted cheater, I should say—who seemingly doesn’t pay any price for his actions on TV, still getting unlimited chances, it boils your blood,” Jones explains. “Why is Jose Altuve still playing? Luckily, I got a completely different situation in the debate right afterwards.”

Unfortunately, the next few days offer little support for Twins fans, who have no major American political events to soften the blow of their team’s ineptitude.

“That’s why I’m in favor of rushing the Supreme Court hearing,” Wiley says. “I just need something soothing like that after watching the Twins play.

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