Tom Brady Becomes First Active AARP Member to Win Super Bowl MVP

by Alex Poletti
Photo by CBS Sports

Tom Brady had something to prove this season, leaving the New England Patriots for the greener pastures of Tampa Bay. He has more than silenced his critics, winning his seventh Super Bowl and becoming the first active AARP member to be named the game’s MVP.

“It took hard work and dedication to get to this point,” Brady said, hoisting the Lombardi Trophy over his head. “I have to thank my wife, my children and the American Association of Retired Persons for addressing and lobbying for my needs and the needs of others in my age group.”

Brady and his Bucs overwhelmingly overmatched wunderkind Patrick Mahomes and the Kansas City Chiefs, putting a stop to their plan to repeat as Super Bowl champs. It was Mahomes’ first professional double-digits loss.

“I felt like the clock turned back 20 years,” the Super Bowl LV MVP tells The Second String. “I was playing like I was in my prime, and Patrick played like he was six.”

Brady started off strong, connecting for three touchdowns in the first half, including two with longtime teammate Rob Gronkowski. Despite his strong start, Brady was worried he wouldn’t be able to maintain his performance throughout the game.

“When we reached halftime, it was far past my bedtime,” Brady says. “After I started eating dinner at 4:00, it’s been difficult to keep the energy going in the second half of these games. But I thought if I started off strong, I could coast off the momentum in the second half and let my defense do the work.”

Indeed, the Chiefs were stifled all night long, with their most effective offensive weapon being the fan who ran onto the field in the fourth quarter. Thanks in large part to Tampa’s amazing defensive performance, Brady collected his seventh ring, breaking his own record for most in a playing career. However, that wasn’t the only reason this specific win was so significant.

“I’m really proud of this one, mainly because my age matches the number of the Super Bowl,” Brady says.

*This article is a work of satire. Though certain elements and quotes may be based on true events, this should not be taken as fact.

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