Author: Alex Poletti

‘I’m Used to Winning’ Says Kyler Murray, Who Obviously Doesn’t Understand Logistics of Getting Drafted First Overall

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

After a heartbreaking loss to the San Francisco 49ers that saw the club blow a 16-point lead, Arizona Cardinals quarterback Kyler Murray said that he was “used to winning,” showing that he was completely unaware of the fact that getting drafted first overall necessitates playing for the worst team in the NFL.

Continue reading “‘I’m Used to Winning’ Says Kyler Murray, Who Obviously Doesn’t Understand Logistics of Getting Drafted First Overall”

If Football Career Ends, At Least Tua Tagovailoa Still Has Art History Degree from Alabama

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Getty

The worst fears of Crimson Tide fans came to fruition on Saturday, as star quarterback Tua Tagovailoa suffered a hip injury against Mississippi State, ending his season. Though this is a major setback for Tua Tagovailoa, and has the potential to prematurely end his playing career, experts at The Second String believe that Tua will be alright, given his bachelor of arts degree in Art History from the University of Alabama.

Continue reading “If Football Career Ends, At Least Tua Tagovailoa Still Has Art History Degree from Alabama”

Following Unnecessary Display of Aggression, Myles Garrett Hired by Cleveland Police Department

by Alex Poletti
Photo by AP Photo/David Richard

With just seconds left in the fourth quarter of a convincing win against the Steelers, Myles Garrett decided to take out some aggression on Pittsburgh quarterback Mason Rudolph, hitting him with his own helmet before being tackled to the ground by two offensive linemen. Facing suspension, Garrett found a silver lining after being offered a job as an officer for the Cleveland Police Department.

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Phillies Finally Get Their Revenge for 2010 NLCS as Giants Sign Gabe Kapler as Manager

by Alex Poletti
Photo by ERIC RISBERG / AP PHOTO

Vengeance, nine years in the making, finally belongs to the Philadelphia Phillies. Nearly a decade after losing to the San Francisco Giants in the 2010 NLCS, ending their bid for a third straight World Series appearance, the Fightin’ Phils got their payback after the Giants signed their former manager, Gabe Kapler to a three-year contract.

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Russians Realize They Hacked Wrong Election as Tulsi Gabbard Wins NL Manager of the Year

by Alex Poletti
Photo by AP Photo/Mary Altaffer

In a comedy of errors on Tuesday, operatives for the Russian government quickly realized they had made a severe miscalculation, accidentally steering their efforts to make Hawaii congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard the recipient of the National League Manager of the Year award instead of the presidential candidate for the Democratic Party.

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Chase McLaughlin Tries Hitting Himself After Losing Game for 49ers, Misses Wide

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Getty Image/Thearon W. Henderson

In the place of veteran Robbie Gould, Chase McLaughlin held his own as the kicker for the 49ers against a scrappy Seahawks team until overtime, when he shanked a kick and opened the door for Seattle to take the win and end San Francisco’s bid at a perfect season. Sources tell The Second String that McLaughlin took out his anger by trying to hit himself in the face after the game, but he missed wide.

Continue reading “Chase McLaughlin Tries Hitting Himself After Losing Game for 49ers, Misses Wide”