Author: Alex Poletti

In Desperate Attempt at Publicity, Washington Wizards Sign Harry Potter to One-Year Contract

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

Ranking as the least important Washington sports team after the recent success of the Nationals and Capitals, and with sports declining in influence as a whole during the pandemic, the Washington Wizards announced on Tuesday that they have come to terms with fictional wizard Harry Potter on a one-year contract, hoping it will increase publicity for the squad.

Continue reading “In Desperate Attempt at Publicity, Washington Wizards Sign Harry Potter to One-Year Contract”

Kevin Garnett Celebrates Hall of Fame Selection by Shooting Adam Sandler

by Alex Poletti
Photo by A24

A surprise to no one, Kevin Garnett was elected to the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame on Saturday in a class that included fellow legends like Tim Duncan and Kobe Bryant. To celebrate the tremendous achievement, the power forward expressed his joy by shooting his “Uncut Gems” co-star Adam Sandler in the face with a handgun. Continue reading “Kevin Garnett Celebrates Hall of Fame Selection by Shooting Adam Sandler”

Utah Jazz Layoff Employees to Reflect Music World at Large

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Sam Forencich

The economic downturn of 2020 has found its way to the NBA, with the Utah Jazz laying off some non-basketball personnel. While the decision was in part for economic necessity, Jazz president Jim Olson says this is inspired by the current state of the jazz musicians in the world at large.

Continue reading “Utah Jazz Layoff Employees to Reflect Music World at Large”

NBA Players Contemplate Singing ‘Imagine’ as Influence Wanes

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Katelyn Mulcahy / Getty Images

While the NBA has done its best to limit the spread of coronavirus by halting play until further notice, with some players going above and beyond by covering the salary of arena employees, basketball stars are still struggling with the loss of influence they’ve had since commissioner Adam Silver postponed the season. With this in mind, a coalition of players has started to contemplate singing John Lennon’s “Imagine” as a way to stay in the public consciousness.

Continue reading “NBA Players Contemplate Singing ‘Imagine’ as Influence Wanes”

MLB Managers Urge Pitchers to Get Tommy John Surgery Now

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Kathy Willens/Associated Press

With the Major League Baseball season on hiatus until further notice, managers are trying to make the best of the situation by telling their top pitchers to get Tommy John surgery now, while they likely won’t miss any playing time. Continue reading “MLB Managers Urge Pitchers to Get Tommy John Surgery Now”

‘Field of Dreams’ Players Quietly Take Over Major League Stadiums on Game-less Opening Day

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Universal Studios

At the start of the year, the 2020 baseball calendar had March 26 marked as Opening Day, with the Cubs taking on the Brewers in Milwaukee to begin the season. However, due to the COVID-19 pandemic, the season was postponed, meaning the stadiums were left without players or fans. Taking advantage of this, the players from the “Field of Dreams” decided to move into the Major League parks for a bit.

Continue reading “‘Field of Dreams’ Players Quietly Take Over Major League Stadiums on Game-less Opening Day”

15-year-old Gymnast Afraid She’ll Age Out of Sport After Olympics Postponed to 2021

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Lukas Schulze/Picture Alliance via Getty Images

Tuesday marked another setback for the sports world, as the 2020 Summer Olympic Games were postponed due to concerns about coronavirus. The news hit US gymnast Sophia Butler especially hard; the 15-year-old fears that, because the games have been pushed back a year, she may age out of her chance at Olympic glory. Continue reading “15-year-old Gymnast Afraid She’ll Age Out of Sport After Olympics Postponed to 2021”