Category: Miscellaneous

Novak Djokovic Plans to Catch Up on Slam Titles Via Denny’s Breakfast Specials

by Alex Poletti

As he walked off the court at Arthur Ashe stadiums nursing a shoulder injury to a chorus of boos, Serbian tennis star Novak Djokovic knew he wouldn’t come any closer to catching Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal in grand slam titles. However, the world No. 1 has another way to reach his peers: the Grand Slams at Denny’s.

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Tiger, McIlroy to Compete in First Ever ‘Shirts’ Game

by Alex Poletti

Two of the world’s most popular golfers, Tiger Woods and Rory McIlroy, agreed to participate in the first ever shirts game in professional golf history this September at the Narashino Country Club in Japan. Reports indicate that the game will play similarly to a skins game, but with far more clothing.

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SoulCycle and Equinox Boycotters Forced to Try Biking Outdoors

by Alex Poletti

In such a politically tumultuous time as this, patrons of SoulCycle and Equinox must either face the ramifications of funding companies owned by Trump financiers or take their cycle-based exercise outdoors onto the preexisting bike paths throughout urban and natural areas in the United States.

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Following Boxing Deaths, Public Starts to Wonder if Beating the Shit Out of Each Other Not a Safe Sport

by Alex Poletti

In a tragic week for boxing, two fighters died as a result of injuries sustained during fights. These latest tragedies have reopened the debate on whether publicly beating the shit out of another person is a safe sport.

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2020 Election To Be Decided by Who the Better Golfer

by Alex Poletti

A new amendment passed by Congress last week will repeal the 12th Amendment’s procedure of electing the president via the electoral college and replace it with an 18-hole playoff to determine who is the better golfer. The theory behind the bipartisan bill is that the president does more of golfing than anything else, so the next one should probably be pretty good at it.

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Nadal, Federer, Djokovic Join Forces to Become First Tennis Super-Team

by Alex Poletti

As the Wimbledon Men’s final four draws closer, it is no surprise that the big three of Tennis, Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer and Novak Djokovic, find themselves in the hunt. Tired of competing against each other, the formidable troi has decided to play together and create the first Tennis super team.

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Democratic Debate to Be Held in Style of WWE Super Slam

by Alex Poletti

After disappointing viewership for the first night of the 2019 Democratic Debate, MSNBC has decided to change its tactics by presenting its second debate as a WWE event, in which all ten of the candidates will square off in the ring while shouting about issues such as healthcare and immigration.

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