Tag: Basketball

In Desperate Attempt at Publicity, Washington Wizards Sign Harry Potter to One-Year Contract

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

Ranking as the least important Washington sports team after the recent success of the Nationals and Capitals, and with sports declining in influence as a whole during the pandemic, the Washington Wizards announced on Tuesday that they have come to terms with fictional wizard Harry Potter on a one-year contract, hoping it will increase publicity for the squad.

Continue reading “In Desperate Attempt at Publicity, Washington Wizards Sign Harry Potter to One-Year Contract”

Kevin Garnett Celebrates Hall of Fame Selection by Shooting Adam Sandler

by Alex Poletti
Photo by A24

A surprise to no one, Kevin Garnett was elected to the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame on Saturday in a class that included fellow legends like Tim Duncan and Kobe Bryant. To celebrate the tremendous achievement, the power forward expressed his joy by shooting his “Uncut Gems” co-star Adam Sandler in the face with a handgun. Continue reading “Kevin Garnett Celebrates Hall of Fame Selection by Shooting Adam Sandler”

Utah Jazz Layoff Employees to Reflect Music World at Large

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Sam Forencich

The economic downturn of 2020 has found its way to the NBA, with the Utah Jazz laying off some non-basketball personnel. While the decision was in part for economic necessity, Jazz president Jim Olson says this is inspired by the current state of the jazz musicians in the world at large.

Continue reading “Utah Jazz Layoff Employees to Reflect Music World at Large”

NBA Players Contemplate Singing ‘Imagine’ as Influence Wanes

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Katelyn Mulcahy / Getty Images

While the NBA has done its best to limit the spread of coronavirus by halting play until further notice, with some players going above and beyond by covering the salary of arena employees, basketball stars are still struggling with the loss of influence they’ve had since commissioner Adam Silver postponed the season. With this in mind, a coalition of players has started to contemplate singing John Lennon’s “Imagine” as a way to stay in the public consciousness.

Continue reading “NBA Players Contemplate Singing ‘Imagine’ as Influence Wanes”

LeBron James Closing Gap in MVP Race Now That No Teams Are Playing

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Katelyn Mulcahy / Getty Images

With NBA games postponed until further notice, attention turns to the MVP race, where Lakers forward LeBron James is climbing up the MVP ladder. According to some voters, the distance between season-long front runner Giannis Antetokounmpo and James is less than ever before, especially now that neither star is playing. Continue reading “LeBron James Closing Gap in MVP Race Now That No Teams Are Playing”

Duke Basketball Players Afraid They’ll Have to Go to Class After March Madness Canceled

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Robert Willett

Panic and terror have run rampant across the nation in light of the exponential spread of the COVID-19 virus, which has tanked the stock market, cleared the shelves of supermarkets and canceled the 2020 March Madness tournament. Perhaps no group of people is in more fear than the Duke basketball team, who may have to attend college classes for the first time because the college playoff tournament was called off. Continue reading “Duke Basketball Players Afraid They’ll Have to Go to Class After March Madness Canceled”

Utah Jazz Starting to Wonder If Cutting Gatorade with Rudy Gobert’s Mucus Not the Best Idea

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Jennifer Stewart-USA TODAY Sports

After Utah Jazz center Rudy Gobert tested positive for COVID-19, effectively shutting down the 2020 NBA season, management and players alike have started to wonder if they could have done more to prevent the spread of the virus. The Utah Jazz is no exception, as they have now begun to question if cutting the team’s supply of gatorade with Rudy Gobert’s mucus wasn’t the best idea after all. Continue reading “Utah Jazz Starting to Wonder If Cutting Gatorade with Rudy Gobert’s Mucus Not the Best Idea”