Tag: Basketball

Thunder Name General Manager MVP Just So They Can Trade Him

by Alex Poletti

Chairman of the Professional Basketball Club, owners of the Oklahoma City Thunder, Clay Bennett announced that the team will name general manager Sam Presti MVP just so they can get rid of him, in keeping with the Thunder’s storied trade and free agent history.

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With Kawhi Leonard and Paul George, Clippers Can Be Second Major LA Basketball Disappointment

by Alex Poletti

Tired of playing second fiddle to LeBron James and the Lakers, the Clippers have announced some major moves in hopes of beating out their crosstown rivals as the major disappointment in Los Angeles basketball.

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Public Should’ve Seen Brooklyn Signing Coming After 2017 Photos of Kevin Durant in Beanie, Non-Prescription Glasses

by Alex Poletti

As the shock of the Nets-Kevin Durant signing begins to fade, analysts now realize that the signing was inevitable, given the increasing percentage of hipster mannerisms and apparel choices over the past few years.

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New York Knicks Unveil 2019 Lineup, Featuring Cardboard Cutouts of Kevin Durant, Zion Williamson

by Alex Poletti

After a decidedly difficult offseason, the New York Knicks unveiled their formidable lineup for the 2019-2020 season, which includes first-round draft pick R.J. Barrett and cardboard cutouts of Kevin Durant and Zion Williamson.

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Giannis Tearfully Thanks LeBron’s Strained Groin for MVP

by Alex Poletti

It was certainly an emotional night for Milwaukee Bucks phenom Giannis Antetokounmpo, who won the first MVP award of his promising career at the age of 24 on Monday. Among those he thanked in his gracious 10-minute speech were his parents and the Bucks organization, but none were as instrumental to his success, Antetotokounmpo says, than LeBron James’ strained left groin.

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To Show Dedication to New Team, Zion Turns into Real Pelican

by Alex Poletti

After the first pick was announced at Barclays Center in New York, what many fans suspected and analysts guaranteed became a reality: Zion Williamson became a New Orleans Pelican. To quell any doubt that the Duke superstar was unimpressed with the organization that held the first pick, Zion went above and beyond by turning into a real pelican, showing his dedication to his new organization.

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Intense Pick-Up Basketball Player Still Emphatically Clapping

by Alex Poletti

That one 30-something white guy who is way too into a casual game of pick-up basketball is still emphatically clapping, sources report to The Second String. Other reports suggest that he is also shouting “let’s go” while pumping his fists after his latest three pointer.

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