Tag: Basketball

In Honor of First Finals Appearance, Raptors to Release Real Dinosaur on Crowd

by Alex Poletti

To live up to the hype of the organization’s first ever Finals appearance, Toronto Raptors management has announced that they will unleash a real, genetically-engineered Raptor to descend upon the masses at halftime of game one.

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Disappointed Milwaukee Bucks Fans Remember They Still Have Beer

by Alex Poletti

After Sunday’s 100-94 loss against the Toronto Raptors, Milwaukee Bucks fans saw their best season in years sadly come to an end. However, the disappointed fans remembered there’s one thing to which they can always turn: beer.

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‘I Don’t Know Where I’m Playing Next Year’ says KD While Covering Up Knicks Apparel

by Alex Poletti

In a press conference Thursday, Warriors forward Kevin Durant repeatedly stated that he had not yet made up his mind about where he will play next year, all while hiding his various Knicks items from the press.

Continue reading “‘I Don’t Know Where I’m Playing Next Year’ says KD While Covering Up Knicks Apparel”

D’Antoni Wants to Coach At Least Three More Unsuccessful Playoff Runs Before Retiring

by Alex Poletti

As the final year of his contract with the Houston Rockets comes to a close, two-time NBA Coach of the Year Mike D’Antoni made it clear that he intends to helm the team through at least three more unsuccessful playoff runs.

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Trail Blazers Reveal Plan for Seth Curry to Tell Mom if Steph Beats Him Too Badly

by Alex Poletti

In a press conference after Thursday’s loss to the Golden State Warriors in the Western Conference Finals, Portland head coach Terry Stotts unveiled his plan to defend against two-time MVP Steph Curry by having his younger brother, Trail Blazers guard Seth Curry, tell their mom Steph is beating him up.

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If New Orleans Plays Cards Right, Zion Could Be Pelicans’ Best Trade Candidate Ever

by Alex Poletti

With all the buzz around the NBA draft, one thing remains certain: the Pelicans have the first overall pick. And with that pick, they will draft a generational talent in Zion Williamson.

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Knicks, Fans Outraged Their Horrendous Tank Wasn’t Rewarded with Top Pick in Draft Lottery

by Alex Poletti

As the third pick was announced via the NBA Draft Lottery on Tuesday, bars around the Tri-state Area collectively moaned, knowing they missed out on Zion Williamson despite being the worst team in the NBA by a country mile.

Continue reading “Knicks, Fans Outraged Their Horrendous Tank Wasn’t Rewarded with Top Pick in Draft Lottery”