Tag: Boston Red Sox

Houston Astros Experiencing Difficulties Cheating After Trash Can Confiscation

by Dale DePalatis
Photo by Associated Press

According to exclusive reports, the metal trash cans with which all MLB dugouts are equipped have been removed from the visiting Astros dugout this year right before the Houston players arrive, causing difficulty for the ‘Stros in their cheating endeavors. Continue reading “Houston Astros Experiencing Difficulties Cheating After Trash Can Confiscation”

Astros Unveil New Bubble Wrap Away Game Uniforms for 2020

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Frank Franklin II/Associated Press

The Astros are gearing up for the retribution facing them in 2020 in style. A few weeks into spring training, the team unveiled their new bubble-wrap uniforms that they’ll be wearing for all 81 away games this upcoming season. Continue reading “Astros Unveil New Bubble Wrap Away Game Uniforms for 2020”

MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred Says World Series Trophy Only Valuable in Metal-Starved Apocalypse

by Alex Poletti
Photo by LM Otero/Associated Press

Coming under fire recently for calling the World Series “just a piece of metal” with regard to the Astros cheating scandal, Major League Baseball commissioner Rob Manfred doubled down on Wednesday, saying that the only way the trophy would ever have value is in the event of an apocalypse that leaves the world without a sufficient supply of metal materials, thus creating an economy around the resource. Continue reading “MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred Says World Series Trophy Only Valuable in Metal-Starved Apocalypse”

Dodgers Acquire Mookie Betts from Red Sox for Some Outfielder, I Guess

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Greg M. Cooper-USA TODAY Sports

The power balance of Major League Baseball has swung in the favor of the Los Angeles Dodgers after acquiring 2018 AL MVP Mookie Betts from the Boston Red Sox. In return, a reporter for The Second String informs us that the Red Sox will get some outfielder, I guess, and maybe a pitcher I think.

Continue reading “Dodgers Acquire Mookie Betts from Red Sox for Some Outfielder, I Guess”

Dusty Baker on Astros Hiring: ‘I’m Excited to Bring Cocaine Back to Houston’

by Alex Poletti
Photo by Alex Brandon/Associated Press

Two weeks after the firing of former manager A.J. Hinch, the Houston Astros have found their new coach in Dusty Baker, who most recently coached the Washington Nationals back in 2017. Baker told The Second String on Thursday that he is ready for the challenge of leading this team, but he’s most excited to bring cocaine back to Houston.

Continue reading “Dusty Baker on Astros Hiring: ‘I’m Excited to Bring Cocaine Back to Houston’”

Red Sox Hire Camera in Center Field as Next Manager

by Alex Poletti
Photo by John Bazemore, Associated Press

Following their dismissal of manager Alex Cora due to his connection with the Astros cheating scandal, the Boston Red Sox have cut out the middleman altogether and decided to hire a camera in center field as their next manager. Continue reading “Red Sox Hire Camera in Center Field as Next Manager”

Chris Sale Doesn’t Need Tommy John, Just Better Off Not Pitching For Rest of 2019

by Alex Poletti

After meeting with Dr. James Andrews, Red Sox ace Chris Sale was told he would not need season-ending Tommy John surgery; however, due to his underwhelming performance all year long, Boston decided it was best for him not to pitch for the rest of 2019 anyway.

Continue reading “Chris Sale Doesn’t Need Tommy John, Just Better Off Not Pitching For Rest of 2019”